


Her Story, and Everyone Else's

by sithwitch13



Series: Her Story, and Everyone Else's [1]
Category: Avengers (Comics), Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Marvel (Movies), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: F/M, Fix-It, Gen, Post-Movie(s), gratuitous cursing, many internet memes mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-08
Updated: 2012-06-18
Packaged: 2017-11-07 07:43:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 23,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/428594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sithwitch13/pseuds/sithwitch13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>“If you don't turn your life into a story, you just become a part of someone else's story.”</i> -<span class="u">The Amazing Maurice and His Educated Rodents</span>, by Terry Pratchett</p><p>In which Darcy Lewis works for SHIELD, dates Spider-man and his issues, is roommates with Jessica Jones and <i>her</i> issues, befriends the Avengers she hasn't met yet, and generally manipulates the situation around her to better suit her expectations. Because that's how she rolls.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm just going to admit that this whole thing came out of a desire to see Spider-man on the Avengers and Jessica Jones involved in the movieverse anywhere, because I've taken "AKA Jessica Jones" being put on hold/possibly cancelled hard. And also, a desire to see more Darcy, because I'm a firm believer that there is never enough Darcy.
> 
> Thanks to [Lurkz](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Lurkz/pseuds/Lurkz) and Prof for looking this over for me, especially to Lurkz, who has listened to me whine about how this story will not stop eating my brain for the last week.

"All right, who is he?"

Darcy looked up blankly, one leg kicked out over the armrest of Jane's sofa and the other swinging as she lounged. "Huh?"

"This mystery guy you're seeing," Jane said, leaning over the back. "I've heard rumors."

"In what time?" Darcy asked, turning her head back to the television. "You got back from BFE, nowhere, like an hour ago."

"Last week." Jane grabbed for the remote control, but Darcy held it just out of reach. "And apparently, it's more than enough time for you to be monopolizing my cable. Aren't you supposed to be helping me move in?"

"I'm helping," Darcy said blithely. "You never know when the TV is going to flip out and try to kill you. I'm totally taking one for the team. You owe me."

"The TV is not--"

"It could. Aliens invaded New York. Anything's possible." She sat up, sitting on the remote control for good measure. Jane rolled her eyes. "Besides," Darcy continued, "shouldn't you be, like, moving into that huge-ass tower with Thor? He has to have asked you."

"He did," Jane said primly. "I want some space of my own for a while. Not crammed into a trailer or a crappy apartment on non-tenured salary."

"Because SHIELD bucks are so big."

"I am a _valued consultant_ ," Jane said, trying to push Darcy aside. "I make the big bucks now."

Darcy couldn't deny that. All her dubious involvement with a superhero and poli-sci undergrad degree got her was a position sorting data. But she could deal with that. She'd done her time flipping burgers and considering how many of her friends from Culver were currently going back to that, she really couldn't complain.

Except for the fact that Jane's apartment was way nicer than hers and she didn't have to have a roommate to afford it. That part was annoying.

"So," Jane said, giving up and hopping over the back of the sofa to plop down next to Darcy, "if you're not going to help me unpack boxes, talk. I know what Thor thinks I missed out on."

"Do I want to know?"

Jane giggled and flushed bright red. Darcy smirked. "Superhero stuff," Jane said. "Asgardian gossip. Things I completely missed out on while I was in Tromsø. So, other than New York being half-destroyed?" Jane shrugged. "Not a lot I could relate to."

"And so Darcy gets to play TMZ," Darcy said. "Fun times."

"You like gossiping."

"I really do. So have you even been to their fancy new tower yet?"

Jane nodded. "Once. It was kind of... overwhelming."

"Lucky. I hear all about it, but does anyone ever invite the lowly analyst anywhere?" She sighed theatrically.

"Fine. I'll drag you over. I know you're dying to see it."

Darcy grinned. "And that's why I still email you."

"This mystery guy," Jane said again. "Come on, I want to know details."

"He's younger," Darcy said. "I get to be the wise older lady. He's like a puppy. It pretty much owns. Hey, I can get him to move your furniture tomorrow."

"Do you have a picture?"

Darcy scoffed. "Naturally. He's all over my Facebook page."

"I am never getting one of those."

"Loser." Darcy fiddled with her phone, pulling up the photo album and picking a particularly goofy picture of a lanky guy with brown hair, looking like a deer in headlights as he was caught shoving a giant forkful of spaghetti into his mouth. "That's him."

"You weren't kidding when you said he was younger," Jane said, pulling the phone toward her for a closer look.

"Shut up, he's like twenty. I'm barely even robbing the cradle."

"What's his name?"

"Peter." Darcy took her phone back, locking the screen. "You need to meet him. He's a big ol' science nerd like you."

* * *

Darcy gave Peter an amused look as they rode the elevator up to Jane's floor. "Dude, relax," she said. "It's not like you're meeting my mom or anything."

"She's a scientist working with a super-secret organization," Peter said, keeping his voice low. Darcy rolled her eyes. Like there were _seriously_ any listening devices in the elevator. This wasn't a spy movie. "And? She's dating an Avenger."

"It's just Thor," Darcy said. "He's like a big friendly puppy."

" _Thor, the god of thunder and also an Avenger,_ " Peter hissed, his eyes going wide. "He's not _just_ anything."

"You're cute when you're getting your fanboy on."

"I am not getting my fanboy on. It's professional respect."

Darcy snorted. "Whatever, Spider-fan."

He winced. "Could you not do that?"

"What? It's funny."

"Secret identity, Darcy. I'm trying to have one." He shifted uncomfortably. "The whole 'public menace' thing means Spider-man and the Avengers should stay far apart."

Before Darcy could give him the _you're-just-as-good-as-any-of-the-Avengers-and-need-to-work-on-your-self-esteem_ schtick--again--the elevator door opened. So instead, she settled for giving Peter a Meaningful Look and walked down the hall, projecting confidence. If she did that enough, maybe it could rub off on him.

Superheroes could be _so_ neurotic sometimes. It was a good thing he was a good kisser.

Jane let them in, her hair pulled back into a ponytail and her casual clothes sweat-stained and smelling faintly of dust over the BO. "Hi," she said, smiling warmly at Peter. "So this is...?"

"I showed you his picture yesterday," Darcy said, breezing past her into the apartment. "Peter, Jane. Jane, Peter. Go science geek yourselves into a frenzy, I need something to drink."

She heard Peter nervously say, "Dr. Foster... Darcy tells me you do astrophysics?" as she rummaged through Jane's fridge. Take-out, leftovers, take-out... and finally a lone can of Diet Coke shoved at the back.

"Aha," she said, grabbing it. "Thought you were safe from me, did you?"

She popped the top and wandered back to the front of the apartment, where Peter still looked like some kind of gawky nervous bunny and Jane looked slightly amused. "How did you two meet?" she asked.

Darcy held up a finger as she took a gulp from the can. "Roommate," she said. "My roommate knew him in high school. I went with her to run an errand on campus, we ran into Peter, there was awkward small talk, I asked him out."

"Campus?"

"Empire State," Peter said, ducking his head. "I'm a biology major."

"I heard." They stood around while Darcy finished off the Coke. Peter had his hands in his pockets. Jane nodded with bland politeness for entirely too long.

"Oh my God," Darcy said, putting the can down. "You two can stop being socially awkward penguins now."

Peter laughed nervously and Jane looked confused. Right, because she was doing science stuff and probably not laughing herself stupid over internet memes over in Scienceland, Scandinavia. Before Darcy could whip out her phone and show Jane a few of her favorite examples, someone banged at the door. Not knocked--banged.

"Thor!" Jane said, opening the door in obvious relief and leaning up for a hug. Darcy waved. Peter just kind of stood there, bug-eyed. (Heh. Bug-eyed. She'd never tell him, though, because he'd go on about how spiders are really arachnids and bugs are insects and way to suck all the fun out of things.)

"Darcy!" Thor said, and crossed the room in like, no time, to squish her in a big hug. Thankfully he wore regular-people clothes instead of his (admittedly awesome) armor, because being squished against metal was pretty much the least fun ever.

"Hey, big guy," she said, trying for a good squishy hug back. There really wasn't much in the way of competition. Even if he wasn't a god, he was built like a Harlequin romance cover guy. "I wasn't expecting to see you today."

He set her down. "I would never let an opportunity to see Jane pass," he said, fondly looking at Jane, who giggled like a teenager. It would be annoying if it wasn't cute. "And I was informed that I was needed to help move furniture."

Peter, who was still standing goggle-eyed and open-mouthed at Thor, clapped his mouth shut. "I can help," he mumbled.

Darcy almost missed Jane's eyes flickering from Peter--skinny, unimposing, a nerd's nerd in appearance--to Thor, and had to smother her snort of laughter. Peter had pretty much the best superhero camouflage ever. Except it was currently damaging his masculine ego or some such shit, so Darcy took pity on him. "Yeah, Pete's gonna help out, too," she said. "Peter, Thor. Thor, Peter Parker."

"I know who you are," squeaked Peter, looking nervous, starstruck, and then more than slightly stunned as Thor clapped him hard on the shoulder.

"So you're the man dating fair Darcy. I trust he treats you well?" Thor asked her.

"He's a peach," she said, nodding. Thor frowned, and Darcy added, "He's nice. Really. Nothing to worry about. My own personal superhero."

Peter's eyes bugged again, in panic this time, but Thor took no notice. Instead, he grinned and shook Peter in a brotherly way that probably rattled his jaw. "Excellent. In the meantime, I have been promised lunch once this furniture has been moved."

He strode off to Jane's bedroom, needing no directions to it and Darcy was going to get a lot of mileage out of _that_ observation later. Jane followed, calling something toward him but Darcy missed it, because Peter was still looking at her, stunned. "Fair?" he whispered.

She smirked. "Don't you forget it, Pete. Come on." She nudged him with one shoulder. "Go show the Asgardian what spider-strength can do."

* * *

With three people, moving Jane's furniture around to her satisfaction would have gone okay. With four people, one of whom was Thor and another of whom was secretly Spider-man, they also had time to throw out the empty boxes, organize the dishes in the cabinets, and catch part of a show on ancient aliens. Thor laughed himself hoarse at that one.

Which was how they ended up beating the lunchtime rush at a pizzeria a few minutes' walk from Jane's apartment building. Thor and Jane sat companionably in a booth, with Jane not seeming to mind that her boyfriend or whatever he was devoured pizza at an alarming rate. Peter sat across from him, still in fanboy mode no matter how much he denied it, ramrod stiff and barely touching his.

"If you're not going to eat it, can I have your pepperonis?" Darcy asked, grabbing for his plate.

"I'm going to eat it," Peter said, scrambling to keep it away from her.

She grinned at him. "Loosen up, Petey. Thor's not gonna bite." She stopped to consider. "Unless you reached across the table right about now. I'm not sure he could distinguish fingers from breadsticks."

"The breadsticks are the fluffy ones," Thor said amiably. "Fingers are crunchier."

"Don't talk with your mouth full," Darcy said, throwing an arm over Peter's shoulder.

Peter made a visible effort to relax and went back to nibbling at his pizza. And then taking actual, human-sized bites, so Darcy gave up on the hope of extra pepperoni. "So," Jane said. "Peter. I read a paper the other day about the young sun paradox--"

"I saw something about that on one of my news sites," Peter said. Jane and Peter went into science geek mode before Darcy's eyes, which was nice because Peter got really comfortable when he went into science geek mode, but it was like they were speaking a different language all of a sudden. She would have started talking positivism versus antipositivism just to get back at them, except there was nobody there to talk it to. Instead, she looked over at Thor and raised an eyebrow. Thor looked blankly back at her with half a slice of pizza in his mouth.

Before she could start using her straw to lob spitballs at someone else just because, she heard a chair being dragged over and turned to look. And yeah, it kind of figured; Tony Fucking Stark, Captain Fucking America and Bruce Not-Fucking-So-Much-As-Trying-To-Look-Inconspicuous Banner had arrived. "Did I miss something?" Stark said, turning the chair he'd moved over to their booth so that he could straddle it. "Are we doing lunch dates now? Thor, buddy, how come you didn't invite me?"

Peter stopped talking mid-word and looked like he'd just choked on thin air. Jane smiled politely. Darcy gave a little wave, figuring they probably wouldn't recognize her since she was just Lowly SHIELD Analyst #4 as her day job, and Thor reached out across the table. "Friends!" He bro-fisted Stark, which was weird. Alien gods bro-fisting was definitely weird. "Join us! This pizza is delicious. I shall introduce it to Asgard when I return. I expect it to be a resounding success."

"See?" Stark said, turning around to where Rogers stood at what Darcy could only describe as parade rest and Banner slouched with his hands in his pockets, looking over his shoulder nervously. "Pizza is literally the food of the gods. I told you so."

"Very funny," Banner said.

"Kind of funny, you showing up here out of nowhere," Jane said, leaning back in her chair and looking at Stark like he was some kind of equation she was trying to figure out. Or something else suitably astrophysics-y. Darcy was the data analysis girl, not the idea girl.

"Stark brand tracking device," Stark said, reaching for a breadstick. "Implanted them into all of the Avengers while they were asleep."

The table got very, very quiet. Peter stopped moving mid-chew, Jane's eyebrows furrowed slightly, and Thor suddenly looked dangerous. Behind Stark, Rogers' eyes widened and Banner frowned thoughtfully. Darcy scooted as far back from Stark as she could, pressing into Peter, who also scooted backwards. Traitor.

"Kidding," Stark said hastily. "Totally kidding. Calm down." Stark raised his hands in the universal _I surrender_ gesture. "You were trending on Twitter. I got curious."

"You have a Twitter?" Darcy asked.

"I don't. I made one for Dummy, though."

"Your... cat?"

"My pet robot," Stark said, taking a bite out of the breadstick. He looked over his shoulder. "Guys, I feel like this is a mob movie. Pull up a seat. Or else the booth people can move over. Can you move over?"

Peter nodded mutely and Darcy gently pushed him closer to the wall. "It helps if you actually move," she said affectionately.

"Right," he said, his voice cracking. He cleared his throat. "Um. Right."

"So this is the fabled Jane," Stark said, nodding at Jane, who smiled back. "Who're the kids? And do we get waiters?"

"I think they're intimidated," Jane said as Rogers sat next to her gingerly.

"Hey," Darcy said as Banner sat next to her. "Darcy Lewis." She pointed to Peter. "Peter Parker."

"Tony Stark," Stark said, even though he looked as un-Tony Stark-like as she could imagine, in a Black Sabbath T-shirt and torn jeans. Then again, she'd only seen him in fancy suits and the fancier suit. Maybe he was a casual Friday kind of guy on his off time. "Steve Rogers," he said, pointing a thumb at Rogers, who gave a friendly-but-embarrassed smile to Darcy, Peter, and Jane. "Bruce Banner." Banner gave a small wave at the general direction of the table.

Peter actually did choke then. " _Dr._ Bruce Banner?" he said. " _The_ Dr. Bruce Banner?"

"Here it comes," Darcy said, rolling her eyes. But smiling, because they were the first words Peter had said since half of the Avengers crashed the party and made him go silent. And of course it was science hero-worship to get him to come out of his shell (exoskeleton? Carapace? What did spiders have, anyway?) when superhero-hero-worship couldn't.

"Yes?" Banner said, looking worried.

Peter laughed in disbelief. "Oh my God. Oh my _God_. Dr. Banner, I read one of your papers on ionizing radiation and its effects on rDNA in bacterial cell lines last year, and it helped me out for a project and if I can just get my final draft out my advisor said he'd help me get published and I couldn't have done it without you." His eyes were bright and shiny. He was _glowing_.

"Do you want me to switch seats?" she said, amused.

"Could you?" Peter looked at her with a begging puppy expression.

"Dr. Banner, could you...?" She made a little _move away_ motion with her hands and he stood, looking bemused. She slid back in by the wall and let her boyfriend get his geek on. Again. He left his pizza, though, and she started gnawing on it to see if he'd notice.

Rogers did, and hid a laugh behind his hand. "Mr. Parker," he said, "You might want to see to that."

"Wha?" Peter looked around and sighed as Darcy posed theatrically with his pizza slice halfway to her mouth. "Give it."

"Spoils of war, Pete."

"You did abandon it," Thor pointed out.

"I did not, it was temporarily--" Of course, right then Peter realized that he was having a conversation _with the Avengers_ and stopped talking, going bright red. Darcy took pity on him and held the pizza in front of him. He took it silently.

"Don't I know you?" Stark said, narrowing his eyes and looking at Darcy. "You've got a familiar... chest."

"Hey," Peter said.

"Work, probably," Darcy said. "I'm a data analyst."

Steve nodded and looked at Peter. "What do you do?"

"Student," Peter muttered.

"And," Darcy said, "a photographer."

"Is he any good?" Stark asked her.

"The best," she said. Peter flashed a twist of his lips that was barely a nervous smile at her.

"Nice, nice. Do you do commissions? We could use someone to take some good promotional pictures of us," Stark said. Peter choked. "They keep getting my bad side, and I swear the armor adds twenty pounds."

"Um," said Peter.

"That would be great," said Darcy, clapping an arm over his shoulders again. "He'd love to."

"I would?" Peter asked weakly.

"You totally would."

"Great," Stark said. "Next Thursday, four pm. work for you?"

"Uh."

"Yeah, it does," Darcy said. In front of them, Jane's face ping-ponged back and forth between Darcy and Stark. Thor seemed unconcerned, working on polishing off his food. "That's plenty of time after your lab, right?"

"Uh."

"It'll be great," Darcy said to the whole table.

"Hey," Stark called behind him. "Do I need to go back there and make my own pizza or what, because you don't want me doing that, it'll just end badly."

"Absolutely great," Darcy told Peter.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Jessica Jones is introduced, the phrase "Fuck the Avengers" is used in ways that fandom doesn't usually use it, and Tony Stark bothers people because everyone needs hobbies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god O_O Y'all are seriously awesome, thank you to everyone who has read this, or left kudos, or commented, or anything. My inbox is full of love right now. I'm saving this for a rainy day.
> 
> To allay any fears about this being a WIP: I left way too many pieces incomplete as a young author to feel right about posting an incomplete one now, so I only post pieces after the first draft has been finished and looked at for major story-breaking errors. Unless something absolutely awful happens, I will be editing/posting a chapter a day (and if something does happen, I will make it up as soon as I am able. This story is burning a hole in my flash drive.)
> 
> Thanks again to everybody, and I hope you continue to enjoy reading this! And thanks again to Lurkz and Prof.

Peter sat on the steps in front of Darcy's apartment, his head in his hands. "I'm such an idiot."

"You're pretty much not," Darcy said, her hand on his back. "You're more or less an anti-idiot. At least, if we're talking smarts. I wouldn't be caught dead doing the superhero thing, though. Do you know how high our health insurance premiums are? And that's just for your regular employee. I blame the Avengers."

He didn't so much as crack a smile. "I sounded like an idiot."

"No," she said, making the word drawn out and reassuring. She'd say it was motherly but that was creepy, so she said it supportive-girlfriend-ly. Totally a word. She'd use it in Words With Friends someday, see if she didn't. "They liked you."

"I think Thor tried to break me in half as some kind of manly challenge."

"That was a hug, Pete. You get used to them."

"Even my girlfriend is manlier than me."

"Hey," she said, punching him lightly in the shoulder. "Lefty and Righty beg to differ. And besides, you do that crazy swinging thing. You've gotta be tough to stick those landings, right?"

"I did have a lot of sprained ankles when I was just starting out," he said, finally raising his head up.

"See? Tough guy. Even if you do wear a onesie."

"Chicks dig the onesie."

"Right. Primary colors get me going."

"I knew I was doing something right."

She leaned in and kissed him. Playful, then slow, because she believed in positive reinforcement and getting his sense of humor back was definitely to be rewarded, and also because _goddamn_ he was a good kisser.

"Jesus Christ."

Peter looked up guiltily. "Hey, Jess."

Darcy flipped her roommate Jessica a jaunty salute. "Thanks for the mood-kill, Jones."

"I'd say get a fucking room, but then I'd never get any sleep," she said, tossing long brown hair out of her face. Or trying to, since it was kind of stuck there by sweat. "Now could you two facehuggers _please_ help me with these?" She held out the overstuffed bags of groceries in her hands.

"I don't even live here," Peter said.

"I'm positive you've broken in the bathroom," Jessica said. "At the very least that means you help with groceries."

Darcy grabbed a bag, Peter grabbed two, and they followed Jessica up the stairs. "You'll never guess where we just were," Peter said.

"Don't care," Jessica said.

"We had lunch with most of the Avengers," he said, still sounding dazzled by the thought.

Jessica stopped halfway up the stairs. Darcy nearly bumped into her. "Fuck the Avengers," Jessica said.

"You don't mean that," Peter said, horrified.

"Oh, she means it," Darcy said.

"I mean it," Jessica agreed. "Fuck. The. Avengers."

"But... but they're heroes," Peter said.

"Anyone who dresses up in a shitty fucking costume and runs around with a death wish is just an attention whore," Jessica said. "Not hugged enough, trying to impress someone, whatever. It's a stupid fucking idea."

"It's selfless," Peter mumbled.

"Oh, really?" Jessica said, turning to look at him. Darcy had heard it before and mostly just kept from bringing the whole thing up. Jessica was pretty all right as long as you didn't get on the subject of superheroes. "If they were really selfless, they'd be doing it anonymously, and without the flashy outfits. What they're doing is all just a publicity stunt. One big, 'Look at me!'" She snorted and started climbing the stairs again. "Fucking ego-tripping morons."

Peter looked at Darcy, his eyes wide. "I'm sorry you feel that way," he said, except he said it quietly, because Jessica could be kind of scary sometimes. She didn't turn back, so either she didn't hear or she was done talking about it. Either was likely.

Darcy reached out with her free hand to squeeze Peter's shoulder, since both of his hands were carrying bags. "Just shrug it off," she whispered. "I know you're a good guy."

He smiled gratefully at her, and she felt all warm and fuzzy inside. Except, yeah, if she hadn't actually met Peter's aunt and heard all the stories about his uncle, she could totally believe that he hadn't been hugged enough as a kid. He thrived on little comments like that.

Good for him that she was such a big believer in the positive reinforcement thing. And good for _her_ that his freaky superpowers made him really, really flexible.

* * *

"So who shit in his Cheerios?" Jessica said after Peter left.

"Hmm?" Darcy rinsed out her ice cream bowl, because the last time she'd forgot to do that they'd got roaches. Roaches the size of cats. Their apartment was worrying sometimes.

"Peter," Jessica said, not looking up from her textbook. "He kept looking at me like I just killed his dog."

"Oh," Darcy said. "Yeah. He was kind of starstruck by the Avengers, I think he took your whole 'Fuck the Avengers' thing kind of personally."

"Fuck him," Jessica said. "I mean, you already do. But seriously."

"Like you've never gone all fan-stupid over something," Darcy said.

"Nope. Never."

"I bet you had N'SYNC posters all over your wall as a little girl."

"Oh yeah. Fuckers were great until they brought in Shemp."

Darcy stared for a second, trying to decide whether Jessica was serious or not. The deadpan way she said just about everything made it hard to tell sometimes. "Anyway," she continued, "it's more like you just showed him a picture of Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck with their heads on spikes, except probably worse because I don't think he likes either of them."

"Kid's gotta grow up sometime. Thank fuck I never went out with him in high school. I have no idea how you stand him."

Darcy shrugged. "I like nice sometimes."

"Good for you," Jessica said. "Why aren't you asleep? Don't you have work in the morning?"

"Afraid I won't pay rent?"

Jessica snorted. "I want quiet. I've got a test in one of my lecture classes at the end of the week, and if the Junior Avenger isn't here I actually have an opportunity to concentrate."

"He's not even here that often," Darcy said.

"Really? Could have fooled me. Seriously, fuck off, I've reread this same page eight times and I have no idea what it actually says."

"Love you too," Darcy said, blowing Jessica a kiss. Jessica flipped her off.

* * *

Tuesdays sucked, Darcy thought. So did Mondays, really. Actually, she could just make that a blanket statement about any day not Thursday or Friday. That was one thing she missed about college: actual weekends and not middle-of-the-week off-days.

Darcy had, as usual, an absolute shit-ton of emails to go through hourly. And piles of paperwork for the really important stuff. SHIELD was big on not leaving an electronic trail for the really important stuff. She had to shred every paper as soon as she was done with it and she suspected someone set the paper shreds on fire after.

But at least today it was mostly interesting stuff to compile and make notes on and all that crap. She hummed to herself as she highlighted a line and stuck a post-it note to the top of the page so she could find it later. Still. Overwhelming piles of paperwork. Stuck inside a room with no windows in a shitty little cubicle that even printed out image macros couldn't make feel homelike. She'd wish for something more exciting going on in her life, except around here _exciting_ tended to mean _lots of death and property damage_ so she didn't like to wish that too loudly.

"Hey!"

Darcy jumped about a foot up in the air and threw her highlighter at the source of the noise on instinct.

Tony Stark stood at the door-like opening to her cube, blinking, a splatter of day-glo green on his forehead. He touched a hand to it, smeared the ink, and looked at the trace of highlighter on his fingers. "Huh. Good arm."

"Thanks," Darcy said, reaching out with her foot to get the marker where it had fallen on the floor. "Mr. Stark? What are you doing here?"

"I'm bored," he said. "I was supposed to be out fighting crime and being a big shiny hero, but that Spider-guy in the unitard got there first. And then I didn't feel like going home. And they won't tell me where Thor's girlfriend works, and Pepper's busy. Analysts are easy to find, though." He leaned in, staring over her desk. "Is that Nicholas Cage with a bird on his head?"

"Huh?" Darcy looked over to see what he was staring at. "Oh. Yeah."

"Your argument is invalid," Stark mused. "I like it. Email that to me."

"Will do," Darcy said. "So. Spider-guy, huh?"

Stark snorted. "Amateur in footie pajamas."

"Professional jealousy?" she said sympathetically, capping the highlighter and readjusting the paperwork on her desk.

"No," Stark said. Kind of defensively, if you asked her.

"Mmm. So. How'd it go?"

"How'd what go?"

"Spider-dude. Did he win, or...?"

"Oh. Him. Yeah."

Darcy nodded, going for casual and feeling relieved. That was the downside of a superhero boyfriend. They were always off doing stupid shit like being noble and selfless and going up against the circus sideshow of evil that was inexplicably drawn to New York City.

"You know I'm working, right?" Darcy said when the silence got uncomfortable.

"Hmm? Oh. Yeah. Have you seen Thor?"

"No? I've kind of been in here since I got in this morning."

Tony frowned, like the whole concept of nine-to-five work was something completely alien to him. Which, she had to figure, it might be. "Right. Okay, I'll just--if you see Thor, tell him I'm looking for him? Or Bruce. Bruce is good too. Tell them if I get bored again I'm remodeling their bathrooms."

"Will do."

He ducked out, then back in. "I mean it."

"I have absolutely no doubt of that."

He stepped back out again, and then back in a few seconds later. "Do you need _your_ bathroom remodeled?"

Darcy raised an eyebrow. "Do superheroes have babysitters? I'm pretty sure my job title is 'Analyst,' not 'Superhero Babysitter.'"

It was a stupid joke, but Stark's face fell. Not so much fell as like... shut down. It was unsettling. "Right. I'll get out of your hair. Which, whatever conditioner you're using, it's doing a great job."

Before she could figure out how the hell to respond to that, he'd stepped out again. She waited for a few seconds, a minute, two minutes, but he didn't come back. She felt kind of bad now, like she'd kicked a puppy old enough to be her dad.

Well, Thursday was around the corner. Maybe she could bring snacks to that photo shoot he'd talked to Peter about. Yeah, she'd totally invited herself along. Someone had to babysit Peter.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Darcy and Peter make friends with an elevator, the Avengers get their pictures taken, and the Taser incident is brought up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to everyone who has read, left comments, kudos, etc.!

Thursday usually meant sleeping late, catching up on TV or movies, and maybe a visit from Peter if he wasn't busy being mauled by costumed weirdos. So yeah, Darcy was kind of annoyed that she was awake before noon and changing into actual person clothes instead of staying in PJ’s.

But only a little, because _this_ Thursday meant crashing the Avengers' tower. Stark Tower, technically. Whatever, he'd turned it into a little home-away-from-home for his superhero pals and hadn't bothered replacing the letters that had been knocked off during the alien invasion, which meant that the giant tower downtown with the giant letter "A" on it was totally Avengers Tower now.

Also, it wasn't really crashing if you were invited, Darcy supposed. But whatever. It sounded cooler than "tagging along with your boyfriend, who is dropping by like he was invited to." Perception and appearances were nine-tenths of everything, she felt. The other tenth was surprising the hell out of whoever misjudged her with a Taser and bear mace and this nasty stompy thing she'd learned in a self-defense course once.

She made sure that said Taser and bear mace were in their usual easy to reach places in her bag because you never knew when you'd run into some asshole who needed adjustment at Taser-point or one of the seriously hundred or so of costumed idiots who made New York their new hangout since the alien invasion, checked her comfy clothes (scarves were a no-no at SHIELD because, as had been put in the dress code memo, "they are convenient makeshift nooses." Scarves were now strictly weekend clothes, because it was nobody's business but her own if she had a death wish on weekends) and took off.

Jessica was already out. Tuesdays and Thursdays were her big class days, which was nice since Peter was done fairly early in the afternoon those days and it meant time alone in the apartment if they could swing it.

She walked over to the ESU campus. Specifically the student center, where she could get lunch. Peter had said that he would meet her there after his lab. And if he didn't, hey, at least she hadn't skipped lunch.

He was late, but it wasn't even one-thirty yet when he did show up. "Sorry," Peter said, looking sweaty and ruffled.

"Strenuous lab?" Darcy asked with the half-smile she used when she really meant, _Did Spider-man have to come out and play?_

"Yeah. Yeah, pretty much," he said. "Do we have to go? I can be home napping right now."

"Peter, be completely honest with me." She held out one hand like a scale. "Nap." And then the other hand. "Being invited by the Avengers to hang out with them."

He looked like a kid for a second, all indecision as he shifted from one foot to the other. "Avengers," he said, "But only by a little. And I need some serious junk food before we go."

Which was how they ended up in front of the tower, a mostly-finished Starbucks knockoff in each of Peter's hands (she'd seen him double-fist coffee before, but rarely. Tough day, then) and staring straight up.

"So, do we ring the doorbell, or...?" he asked, trailing off.

Darcy already had her phone out. _Do we ring a doorbell or wait for the little guy in green to tell us the wizard won't see us or what?_ she texted Jane.

"What does she say?" Peter asked.

"She says, 'Go through the lobby, genius.' If we get taken out by snipers I'm coming back to haunt her."

They did not get taken out by snipers. Instead, a receptionist gave them visitor's badges and sent them up on the elevator. "The Avengers have a receptionist?" Peter asked.

"I know, right? Except I guess it's still technically Stark's building and I think the first few floors are business." Darcy shrugged.

"That would be correct," the elevator said.

"The elevator is talking to me," Peter whispered to her after a stunned few moments of silence.

"It's Stark's building, are you surprised?" she whispered back.

"Should we talk back?"

"You do it." She nudged Peter with her shoulder. "Tell the nice elevator hi."

Peter cleared his throat, clutching at his camera bag. "Uh. Hi there, elevator."

Naturally, that was when the door slid open. The elevators in this building were freaking awesome, Darcy decided, if they'd gone that fast, with that smooth of a stop. She hadn't felt a thing. A blond guy in a sleeveless t-shirt--Barton, Hawkeye, whatever, she could recognize him pretty easily since he didn't wear a mask--leaned against the wall in front of them, messing with a phone. He raised an eyebrow as he caught the tail end of that.

"Were you just... talking to the elevator?" Barton asked.

"What? No." Peter shook his head. "Uh. Maybe."

"In all fairness, it talked to us first," Darcy said.

"Oh. Right." Barton put his phone away and smirked. "So now you've met JARVIS."

"The elevator's name is Jarvis?" Peter asked, following Barton as he led them into the main room.

"JARVIS is my house AI, suit AI, and all-purpose busybody," Stark said. "Acronym. You don't need to know what it stands for."

"Because you made a ridiculous acronym for the sole purpose of naming an AI a butler name," Darcy said. It seemed like the kind of thing Stark would do.

"Got it in one," he said, looking up from whatever he was doing. Messing with some sort of tablet, looked like.

"You didn't go for Jeeves or Alfred?" Peter asked. Apparently not having Avengers sprung on him made him loosen up a little. Go Peter, actually participating in conversations. Darcy took his hand and squeezed it. "I thought those would be classics."

"Cliché," Stark said, making a face. "I was going for classy but original."

"It works," Darcy said.

"Yeah, I thought so."

"Mr. Stark..." Peter cleared his throat. "Aren't I supposed to be taking pictures? Where's everybody else? And... um. Outfits."

"What's wrong with my outfit?" Stark asked blandly. He wore another faded classic rock T-shirt and jeans. AC/DC this time, Darcy noted.

"Nothing," Peter said hastily. "Except I thought... y'know, the armor..."

"I don't look photogenic in this?"

Peter sputtered. Barton smirked from where he'd plopped down on a fancy-looking couch. Darcy rolled her eyes. "I think he thought the Avengers would look more Avenger-y not in street clothes."

"That was the general idea," Peter said.

"You can't let him freak you out like that, Pete," she said. "It's all about being a d-bag back. Like dogs or something. He probably smells fear."

"I do," Stark called. "Smells like Axe body wash."

"Your nose is broken," Darcy told him. "He uses Old Spice."

"Isn't that old man stuff?" Barton asked, tuning back into the conversation.

"Nah, the man your man could smell like made it relevant again. So are we doing this or not? Stark, do you have cable?"

"What kind of question is that? Of course I don't have cable. I have _awesome_. JARVIS, turn on the TV."

A wall turned into a giant TV screen, making Darcy jump. Or else it was a screen that masqueraded as a wall. Either way, unexpected. "It's voice activated?"

"Yours isn't?"

"Dude, my roaches have roaches. Good TV doesn't even enter in to the picture. Hey Jarvis, does this thing get Bravo?"

She settled down and left Peter to his own devices. She shouldn't feel so much like she was tossing him in a pool and yelling "SWIM," she thought, since she was pretty much here to ease him into it and listening with half an ear if things got too awkward. But seriously, Peter was never going to learn to play with the big kids if she didn't make him.

She could hear him stammering over the sounds of Project Runway and sighed. "For God's sake, just do what Peter says," she called, not looking away from the screen. "If I have to be the responsible one here, you are really going to hate it."

"Fine, fine. Barton, listen to Hipsterella and get Natasha, would you? I'll find the guys."

Darcy rolled her eyes. Yet another point of data to add to her theory that superheroes were all a bunch of kids deep down. Like the gaudy costumes weren't giveaways, but it was always good to have more collaborating evidence.

* * *

Naturally, the whole thing was all chaos.

Darcy stayed on the couch for as long as she could swing it, yelling over her shoulder when things got too rowdy for her tastes. Which, yeah, was kind of often. She couldn't hear the TV over the sound of enthusiastic superheros, at least two of whom were actively trying to antagonize Peter. (Rogers, Banner, and Romanov were polite, she had to give them that. Thor was... Thor. He wasn't so much actively trying to be a jerk as he was naturally loud and kind of clueless about some things.)

She had to give Peter high marks on soldiering through it, though. He was naturally kind of a nervous guy. Apparently he'd been this shy, twitchy kid all through school and even having super-awesome spider powers didn't change the core of him. He didn't talk about him much, but Jessica mentioned him being shoved into lockers a lot. Darcy had been mostly surprised that their school still used lockers. Hers hadn't trusted students with anything more than clear backpacks.

It was a good thing that Stark seemed to be a decent guy once you got past the bluster and the stupid nicknames, because he ordered in dinner from somewhere Darcy hadn't even known did delivery as a thank-you. And, she thought, possibly an apology. Or a reward for not running away crying. Either was likely.

"How long until we can see the pictures and see if you're worth the cost of this dinner?" Barton asked.

Darcy threw a wadded-up napkin at him. "He's great," she said. "If you ever read the Daily Bugle, you'd see his stuff in there everywhere."

"You work for Jameson?" Stark asked, raising an eye. "No wonder you didn't run off."

"Only as a freelancer," Peter said.

"Because Jameson's a dick," said Darcy.

"I'm... not confirming or denying anything," Peter said, looking down to hide his smile.

"He's a dick," Darcy said. "And Peter's the one who gets all the good Spider-man pictures Jameson jacks off to."

There were two separate choking noises, from Peter and from Rogers. Right, because women in the forties probably weren't supposed to talk about masturbation in public and Rogers had only been out of deep-freeze for, what, a few months now? She would have felt bad if she didn't see it as her duty to get him used to it. "Welcome to 2012, Cap," she said. "Hey Stark, you haven't showed him Sex and the City yet, have you?"

"Still working through the classics of the 70s," Banner said.

"Huh. Well, call me when you do."

Romanov flashed a smile so quick Darcy thought she might have imagined it. "You seem remarkably... blasé about all of this," she said.

"Some idiot tried the whole costumed bad guy thing in my town when I was in middle school," Darcy said, shrugging. "It turns out that doesn't work out so well when you live someplace with a population of about a thousand and your mom can tell you embarrassing stories about Lord Misery's childhood. It really drives the point home that everyone's just people, you know?"

"We're well aware," Banner said dryly.

"You would be. Most people aren't, though." Darcy leaned on one arm, her chin in her hands. "Most people see, like, a symbol or something, good or bad. You should hear everyone down in the cube farm talk."

"But not you," Barton said, narrowing his eyes. He looked like he thought she was lying. Well, whatever.

"I Tased Thor," she said. "That kind of demystifies the entire superhero process."

"You _Tased_ Thor?!" Peter looked shocked.

"I didn't tell you? It was this whole thing. I was awesome."

"I was not expecting it," Thor said defensively. "Midgardian weaponry can be underhanded and deceptive."

"Of course it is," Stark said, sounding smug.

Romanov unclipped her phone from her belt and looked at it. "I'm off," she said. "Clint?"

"That's my ride," he said, getting up.

"Stark, I can see your mouth opening," Romanov said. "If you were smart, you'd close it right about now."

Stark obliged her, his mouth shutting with an audible snap. Darcy gave Romanov an admiring look. "I want to be you when I grow up," Darcy said.

"You really don't," Romanov said, walking to the elevator.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Darcy throws things, the Avengers are not invited over, and people who want to steal your wallet really suck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for everyone who's reading, commenting, leaving kudos, etc.! My day continues to be made, which is great because some days you really need that sort of thing. So, warning for this chapter, though a mild one: threat of violence plus lashing out at someone who had no part in it.
> 
> Hope y'all continue to enjoy this!

So, this was Darcy's life now.

Her boyfriend Spider-man was only sometimes there to eat dinner with her, between his classes and fighting crime, both normal and supervillain.

One of her few friends from college (who was technically her ex-teacher according to her transcript, except it usually worked out to Darcy acting more like Jane's keeper with bonus data analysis thrown in for free) kept inviting her to hang out. Which was great, because Darcy liked people, but hanging out these days was mostly done in the company of an alien god that her friend was dating or in a gigantic tower filled with superheroes that she technically worked for.

And said superheroes were starting to bug her at work.

It was usually Stark, who had the attention span of a small child when he wasn't intently focused on something. She'd tried to get him to use his powers of targeted focus to help her go through paperwork but that had ended poorly. Banner dropped by every so often because she accidentally let it slip that she kept a jar of candy hidden somewhere in her cube and he had a weakness for Lemonheads but never managed to get to a store to buy his own.

Barton stopped by twice: once the normal human way--through the _door_ \--and the other time through the ceiling, scaring the shit out of her. She'd screamed and thrown an open box of paper clips at him, making a mess that he naturally did not stick around to help clean up.

Rogers was at least considerate when he stepped in. Steve. He'd asked her to call him Steve, except he still called her "Miss Lewis." She started keeping some books from home in a pile on her desk, even though Stark had given him an ebook reader. He liked the way books felt, he'd told her.

Romanov dropped by precisely once, and Darcy hadn't even known that she'd been there until Jason in the next cube peeked over the wall and squeaked, "Did you _see_ that?!"

"If you bring them back here, I'm officially kicking you out," Jessica said when Darcy brought it up.

"Oh my God, are you kidding me? I can't bring them here." She glanced around at the index card sized kitchen, the walls that had at some point in the distant past been stained with cigarette smoke, and the questionable carpet. Jessica gave her a dirty look over her stack of notes. "I mean, I'd never do that to you," Darcy added quickly.

"Right," Jessica said, going back to studying.

She really wouldn't, though, and not just because their apartment was downright embarrassing after the tasteful opulence and majesty of the Avengers' tower, which was like a fancy hotel met a museum met a lab accident when Stark or Banner got really into their science things. Jessica was seriously, seriously pissed off about Darcy suddenly counting the Avengers as casual acquaintances--friends, in some cases--even if she only rarely showed it.

But when she did, she was _really_ not pleasant to be around. Jessica was caustic in the best of circumstances, and she got downright toxic these days. Talking to her when she got like this was like trying to defuse a bomb. "So," Darcy said, trying to change the subject. "This class you're studying for..."

"Ethical Behavior in Criminal Justice," Jessica said without looking up. "You know, something your buddies ignore."

Diffusing a bomb while wearing oven mitts, maybe. "Right," Darcy said, trying not to sound irritated, because that was just blood in the water. "You've been looking at it for a while. Do you want an ice cream break?"

"You have no idea how much I want a fucking ice cream break. Or a vodka break. That would be better. But," she said, turning the page, "I'm on a scholarship, so I shouldn't."

"I could run out to the corner store," Darcy said. "You can study and eat ice cream at the same time, right?"

"Maybe," Jessica said grudgingly.

"I'm not getting more vodka, though. Or Jack. Or even beer."

"I already said it was for the best. It doesn't mean I goddamn like it, so quit rubbing it in."

"Just making it clear," Darcy said, getting up from the couch (found at the corner of the street, and it showed, and also a spring poked your back if you sat in the wrong spot) and fishing around for her shoes.

She beat an exit in what she hoped was a nonchalant manner. And then she took her time walking down the stairs and out the building. Her earbuds were in, she had a decent walking playlist queued up, and that bit of sealing herself off from the world around her made it feel like real time to herself instead of just walking a few blocks to get junk food.

And naturally, because this was Darcy's life now, she got mugged on the way back.

"Gimme your wallet," said someone behind her. "And your phone."

Darcy fished around in her bag. "Okay, don't hurt, me okay? I'm just-- _eat this, motherfucker_!" Her hand closed around her mace and she sprayed it as she turned. The guy behind her clutched at his face and screamed, dropping his knife. She kicked it away, did the stompy thing she remembered from self-defense, stomped again when he was down for good measure, and took out her phone to dial 911. Her hands shook and she got the number on the second try.

"The police are gonna be here any second," she said to the guy, who was moaning around on the sidewalk. "And I have a Taser that I will _not_ hesitate to use if you try getting up. _Capiche?_ " A small crowd gathered to watch the scene, but when it was clear that she wasn't about to mace, Taze, or kick him again most of them started drifting off.

Darcy stayed standing, even though the adrenaline rush was wearing off and she was actually starting to shiver now. If she sat, the guy might try running and she wasn't exactly a runner. A soft, familiar noise above her head got her attention and she looked up. "Hey."

"Hey." Peter--Spider-man, she couldn't slip when he was in the outfit--swung over, stuck to the wall for a moment, and hopped down to stand by her. "Looks like I'm late."

"Nah, I got this," she said. "Except... do you mind, like, sticking him to the ground or something? I really don't want to have to chase him if he tries to leave before the cops show up."

"Least I could do," he said, doing the weird hand-thingy that made his webs go and sticking the mugger to the ground by his feet. "Are you okay?"

"Me? I'm awesome," Darcy said, finally sitting down. Still shaking, though, which was really annoying and not giving off an image of stone-cold badass at all. "Doing completely great. Except my ice cream is melting. That kind of sucks."

"Are you sure you're okay?"

She glared up at him. At the mask. That mask really, really bugged her. "Fine and dandy. Go be spiderly somewhere else."

He didn't say anything for a moment and she wished again she could see through the stupid goddamn mask. "If you're sure..."

"Positive. Shoo." She waved him away. He went, and naturally she realized that she could have asked him to take the ice cream and play ding dong ditch to keep it from turning into Neapolitan-flavored soup.

* * *

"Jesus Christ, Darcy, how long does it take to--"

"Got mugged," Darcy sang, maybe taking just a little pleasure in how it shut Jessica up. "Ice cream's melted, so no ice cream break until it re-freezes if you still want it." She shoved the carton in their freezer, moving aside a few frozen lunches to make room.

"You're okay, right?" Jessica said.

Darcy smiled, fake-sweet. Okay, she was actually taking a lot of pleasure in this. She wasn't a saint, she was really pissed off, she deserved some leeway for misdirected anger. "Oh, great. Maced the fucker and then Spider-man showed up before the cops. Webbed him to the ground so he couldn't run away, and then I got to spend another hour waiting and giving a statement. Tons of fun."

"As long as you're not hurt," Jessica said.

"I'm going to bed." Darcy stomped off, not slamming the door to her bedroom because a) it really wasn't Jessica's fault, so this was all misplaced anger and she knew that and b) it would make all the pictures fall off of her wall and she was in no mood to hang them up again.

She should really go brush her teeth, she thought, but she didn't want to go back out into the apartment and apologize just yet. Instead she took off her glasses because stupid delayed reactions and long-gone adrenaline meant that she started crying _now_ and she didn't want to get the lenses all smudgey. She didn't bother turning on a light, either, because sulking was more satisfying in the dark.

A knock at her window woke her up. Of course, she was only fully awake after she'd thrown a pillow at the noise, but since the knock came from outside and the window was closed--plus, it was a _pillow_ \--no harm was done. She fumbled for her glasses and squinted outside. "Pete?"

"Hey," he said, his voice muffled through the glass. "Can I come in?"

He still wore the Spider-man outfit, but he'd taken off the mask. "Yeah, I guess," she said, pulling up the blinds and opening the window.

Peter hopped inside and landed almost without a sound. She wondered if that was part of his spider-powers, too. God knew she couldn't do that. "I wanted to see how you were doing," he said.

"I need a hug and a good night's sleep," she said. "Hug first."

Hugging Peter with the Spider-man outfit was weird. It felt almost rubbery and she'd never asked him where he'd found the material. Or if he'd made it himself or got a friend to help. He'd probably made it himself. Sewing seemed like something he'd be inexplicably good at. "You fell asleep in your jeans," he said into her hair.

"Yeah, well. Priorities."

He waited, because she'd gone off on him before for asking her the same questions over and over, and finally she moved away from him and sat on her bed. "I'm still freaked out but I'll be okay," she said, nodding. "Really."

"I should have got there earlier," he said, sitting next to her.

"Nah. You did good. Hell, _I_ did good." She leaned on him, resting her head on his shoulder. He smelled like rubber and sweat. Stupid costume. "It's just not something I deal with every day so yeah, I'm freaked out. I'll get over it. I lived through a giant alien robot destroying Puente Antiguo. Some asshole with a knife isn't anything, right?"

Except goddammit, she started tearing up again. Peter just held her and didn't offer any advice she didn't want to hear or hadn't already told herself. "I've got this," she said, taking off her glasses again and wiping at her face with the back of her hand. "I've--I've got this. Do you mind just hanging around for a little while?"

"Yeah," Peter said. "No problem."

"Great," Darcy said, flopping down on her bed. "Not because I'm scared or anything, because I'm totally not. I just missed seeing you not on the job today."

"I missed you too."

"Let me know if I'm being all clingy girlfriend."

"You're really not."

"I'm really not scared," she mumbled into her pillow.

"I know you aren't," he said.

He was gone when she woke up. And he'd closed the window behind him. Nice guy, that Peter Parker.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Tony Stark continues to steal the scenery (is that his other superpower?), Darcy has a plan of action, and also not a great sense of timing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to anyone who has read this! I'm having a bad couple of days and seeing that holy shit, people actually like something I've done has lifted my spirits so much. And I hope y'all continue to enjoy it, especially considering that I had so much fun working on it.
> 
> There will eventually be some less lighthearted stuff along with happy fun times, and I hope I can keep the mood sufficiently well, _but_ I'm also working on at least one companion piece because apparently I like writing lighthearted things, and also I absolutely adore these characters and how the movieverse isn't clinging to fifty billion years of canon and angst (only a slight exaggeration, but it doesn't stop me from picking it up monthly XD ) and it feels like how the Ultimateverse did to me at the very start, all full of promise and hope, except not weighed down by _even more angst._
> 
> And now that my Feelings On Marvel Comics are done, on to the chapter!

"So," Darcy said while Stark took measurements in her cube, "What do you think of Spider-man?"

She had no idea why Stark was taking measurements in her cube, and she didn't ask. Mostly she just tried to stay out of his way unless he was actively being a pest, and since she could duck and weave around measuring tape, this ranked low on the pest scale.

Stark didn't look over at her or stop measuring. "His costume looks like it's made of crayons."

"Yep. Because red and yellow aren't primary colors, either."

"Uh, the technical terms are hot-rod red and gold?" He looked over his shoulder and she snorted. "So, not primary colors."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night," she said.

"I guess he's not terrible for a rank amateur," Stark said finally, tapping something on his phone.

"I'm pretty sure he's been operating in New York for longer than you have."

"Yeah, but my equipment's better. And I have government contacts. Hence: I'm the professional here."

"He helped me out with a mugger last week," she said, feeling like she should give him some good press since Peter's alter ego generally got so little.

"You got mugged?"

"No actual mugging occurred," she said.

"And when you say he helped you..."

Okay, she wasn't going to downplay her contribution. "He showed up after I maced the guy," she admitted. "But, he did web the asshole's feet to the ground so he couldn't get away before the cops showed up. Which, he totally would have otherwise, they took forever."

She was saved from an undoubtedly snarky response by Stark's cell phone. "Pepper!" Stark said, letting the tape measure in his other hand snap shut. "No, I'm not busy. Where are you?" Stark wandered away without another word. Typical.

"So. Spider-man," she tried again when Steve stopped by to return her copy of _Watership Down_. "Any opinions? Saved me from being mugged, that's got to count for something, right?"

"You were mugged?"

"Saved. _Saved_ , Steve. Therefore, not actually."

"Are you all right?"

Peter owed her for this, even though it was technically her idea. "First off, it was a week ago. Second, yeah, doing just great. Anyway, helping little ol' me out. That's got to put him in your good graces, right? Plus the whole trying to save New York City for the past like, four years?"

Steve frowned. "Isn't he some kind of--"

"Menace? No, that's all bad publicity. I told you, Jameson at the Daily Bugle wants to have so much hatesex with him."

Rogers turned red and stammered something on his way out, so she didn't even get a response there. And he forgot to give her book back.

Banner showed up the next day, slinking in behind her. "Hey, Darcy."

"Bruce! How's my favorite doctor doing?" She frowned as she reconsidered. "Third favorite. No offense, but I've known Jane and Erik longer, and Jane buys me dinner."

"Doing all right," Banner said, worrying at one of his fingernails with the other hand and looking around her cube. "Doing some remodeling?"

"Stark's new project," she said. "I'm not even gonna ask unless it looks likely to blow up."

Banner laughed quietly. "So, Lemonheads?" he asked hopefully.

Darcy opened the bottom drawer of her desk and fished around for the hidden mason jar where she kept her snacks, but stopped from handing over the wrapped candies. "So, Spider-man?" she asked.

* * *

"You didn't."

"I totally did," Darcy said, sipping at her drink.

Peter hid his face in his hands.

"Hey, they all liked you. Spider-man, I mean. More or less. They'd like him a lot more if they knew he was _you_ , I think."

"They already think I'm a dork," Peter said. Or she thought that was what he said. It was hard to hear him when he talked into his hands like that. "Once they find out I'm a public menace _and_ a giant dork--"

"They have the Hulk," Darcy said. "He was honest-to-God hunted down by the military at one point. I'm pretty sure you've caused less property damage than him in your career."

"He doesn't have an active smear campaign going on by a nationally read newspaper."

"Only the third most popular paper in the city. Also, who reads newspapers any more? Their online presence pretty much sucks. Jameson's stuck in the nineties or something."

"I tried telling him that once," Peter said. "He threw his phone at me."

"See? Completely irrelevant."

"I bet Captain America doesn't know how to use the internet either. Is he irrelevant?"

"Hey, I'm working on it. The human brain can only take in so many cat macros at one time. Quit dodging my point. You are awesome. You help people. You could totally be an Avenger, especially if I push for it."

"You're not an Avenger," Peter pointed out. "You're--" He dropped his voice to a whisper. "You're a paper pusher."

"I'll ignore you saying that like it's an insult and point out that I am a well-placed asset. Nobody ever suspects the data analyst with the funny pictures on her wall. Most of the wall. Stark moved in a touch screen thingy yesterday, the other guys are all really jealous."

"So you're going to use your magic data analyst powers to get me into the Avengers."

"No," Darcy said, dipping a french fry into ketchup and stabbing it at him to make her point, "I am going to use my magic powers of being underestimated, underhanded, and sneaky to get you into the Avengers."

Peter looked scared. But excited. Maybe she imagined the excited part, but he was probably excited. "This is all going to blow up in my face. I know it. I have an actual historical record of anything good blowing up in my face, sometimes literally, very shortly after."

"Hey, we're in this together. If anything happens, it'll blow up in both of our faces."

"That's pretty much the least reassuring thing you've ever said to me."

* * *

Part of her plan hinged on one thing. Right now, Darcy was the only one who knew that Peter Parker, geeky science boyfriend, was also Spider-man, masked guy in a costume who fought crime. This might have to change if she was to move forward to Phase Two. (Phase One had been finding out what everyone thought of Spider-man. The whole thing could have been a bust before it started.)

"Jane," she said, drawing out the name.

Jane jumped. She'd been doing that hyperfocused thing she did when she got really into her space stuff, and it was pathetically easy to sneak into her office by just opening the door and standing there for a few seconds. "Darcy? How did you get in here?"

"Said I was bringing you your lunch and showed the guy up front some cleavage," she said, shrugging. "Here's a sandwich and a bottle of water, by the way."

She held out a plastic bag, which Jane took gratefully. "Is it that time already?"

"Yeah, like two hours ago. You really need to remember to set an alarm for this kind of thing."

"I did," Jane said, tearing open the sandwich wrappings. "I must have missed it."

"I am so getting Stark to make you some kind of attention-getting doodad next time he comes to bug me," Darcy said, rolling her eyes. "Anyway, I need your help."

"With what?" Jane said, her mouth full of sandwich.

"I need your opinion on something, and you need to absolutely promise me you won't tell anyone. Not even Thor. Not even Nick Fury under pain of defunding."

Jane raised both her eyebrows and swallowed. "That serious, huh?"

"You have no idea. Promise!"

"I promise. Cross my heart, hope to die, all that."

"Okay. Here it goes." Darcy cleared her throat and leaned in to whisper into Jane's ear, "My boyfriend is Spider-man."

Jane choked on her mouthful of sandwich. Okay, maybe Darcy could have timed that better. She thumped Jane on the back and held out the water bottle, which Jane took. "Stop hitting me," she said. "That doesn't actually work."

"Sorry, just trying to help. Anyway, it's true. And I think things would go a lot better for him if he weren't operating alone, and the Avengers are pretty awesome about helping each other when they're not driving each other crazy, and he's a huge fanboy, so..." Darcy shrugged. "I think he'd be a good fit. What do you think?"

Jane drank more water. "When you say better for him..."

"The guy's got like, permanent bruises. I don't know how he doesn't have worse. That spider-sense thing, I guess, it's like some kind of early warning system. He's trying to take down every bad guy in New York all by himself and has been for seriously four years now or something like that. I think he needs backup, and I think helping him could get everyone out of _my_ hair. How's Thor when he doesn't have a bad guy to beat on?"

Jane blinked rapidly. "Uh, he's either in Asgard or being a really sweet boyfriend here."

"Bad example. Stark is driving me crazy. Barton has taken to trying to find new ways to terrorize me and my cubemates since he found out where we work. Steve is like a lost little puppy and I know that hitting stuff makes him feel more at home, which probably says a lot but I'm not a psychologist so I'm not going to start guessing except I'm thinking it. So really, it'll be good for everyone."

"What about Dr. Banner and Agent Romanov?" Jane asked.

"Eh. They're all right. Anyway, I'm absolutely positive that if I make a rational argument in favor of this, they should agree if they were smart. I've been bugging them all week, I finally got an answer out of everyone that at the very least his heart's in the right place. And if you, like me, think that they will not make a smart decision, I want to know if you have any faith in my ability to get what I want by any means necessary."

Jane chewed her sandwich thoughtfully. "I have no doubt of that last part," she said dryly.

"I'm taking that as a compliment."

"I think if you made the case for it logically, it might work," Jane said. "But you'd have to talk to the right people. And I wouldn't rule out being sneaky."

"It's always nice to have my suspicions confirmed," Darcy said. "Moving ahead with Phase Two, then."

"Also, I wouldn't use that phrase around them," Jane said. "Bad connotations."

"Got it. Operation Sneak Attack it is."


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Operation Sneak Attack is neither Sneaky nor Attack-y, nobody hangs out with anybody without ulterior motives, and there are delightful witches. Kind of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for everything! I'm appreciating the feedback. And these notes will be short because I'm hungry and we're about to go get taco salad.
> 
> Mmm, taco salad.

Not for the first time, Darcy wished she had a wand to wave that would make things go exactly the way she wanted them to. Then again, apparently Thor's freaky brother was a magic type of guy and that hadn't ended well, so maybe it was a good thing she'd never got her Hogwarts letter.

But it made her self-appointed job harder, especially since she had decided to only bring in Jane as a last resort. This was _her_ idea, and she'd see it through. Plus, as a purely academic question, she wanted to know how far she could go.

She started small, inviting individual Avengers out on the town with her. Somehow they always ended up somewhere bad, and hey, every so often Spider-man would show up to be awesome. It wasn't fool-proof. She didn't have the spare cash to hire a supervillain or small gang to pretend to wreak havoc, so she had to rely on chance.

"Wasn't that great?" she gushed to Barton. "Webs seem like they'd be incredibly useful, don't you think?"

"That's the worst attempt at flirting with me I've ever heard," Barton said. "Don't you have a boyfriend?"

"Ass," Darcy said, punching him in the arm and stomping off to hide the pained expression on her face. She was not one of nature's punchers.

"You heard that joke, didn't you?" she asked Bruce two weeks later. "He seems like a funny guy. I bet that'd be relaxing, to have someone around who made jokes."

"Tony makes jokes. Kind of."

"Tony makes sarcastic quips. What Spider-man makes are wisecracks. They're classic and totally uncynical. Non-cynical? Happy fun wholesome jokes."

"I don't think 'your mama' jokes are wholesome."

"You know these kids today," Darcy said, laughing nervously.

"Agility!" she told Romanov, pointing desperately to where Spider-man did improbable things with his legs a week later. "If anyone's going to appreciate that, it's you. Pretty impressive, right?"

"It's flashier than I'd prefer, but I do appreciate it on the professional level, yes."

"You choke guys out with your knees. I've seen the videos. How is this less flashy than--oh wait." Darcy nodded as Spider-man backflipped and swung away in a painful, Cirque du Soleil-esque pose. "Yeah, you've got a point. He's flashier than you."

"The bright red and blue adds to the overall impression of flashiness."

"Hey, Steve wears red and blue."

"Why do you keep dragging us out to watch Spider-man in action?"

Well, shit. "I need to learn to do subtle better, don't I?"

"More like at all," Romanov said with a dry, quick half-smile. "We're not exactly friends, Darcy. You suddenly taking every opportunity to try and get me to go with you to all these places..."

"Barton thought I was flirting with him."

"Clint has a gigantic ego. It gets in his way sometimes." Romanov looked over in the direction Spider-man had swung off in. "You've spent the last month and a half going out of your way to drag all of us out with you and whenever Spider-man shows up, you practically fall over yourself to point out how noble and impressive he is. I'd like to hear your motivation from you."

"You aren't going to do any terrifying super-spy things to get in my head or else smash it against a building or something, are you?" Darcy said nervously. She'd seen _those_ videos, too.

"I don't need to. You're an open book."

"Am not."

"Large print."

"You're being insulting now." Darcy huffed. "Fine. I think Spider-man would be an awesome addition to the Avengers and I think you should consider him. Is there an application he'd need to fill out, or...?"

"So you're Spider-man's manager?"

"You're laughing at me. No, I'm not. He's a friend of mine."

"That photographer," Natasha said.

"Jesus, did you know all this time? Are you actually a telepath or something? That's how you do it, isn't it?"

"Their voices sound similar, their builds are approximately the same once you take baggy street clothes into account, and you admitted to knowing him. Since I know for a fact that Spider-man isn't a SHIELD agent--"

"I know people outside of SHIELD!"

"--the choices were considerably narrowed down," Romanov continued like Darcy hadn't said anything.

"I need to hang out with more people that aren't superheroes or spies," Darcy muttered. Romanov might have looked smug. Just a little. "So. You've met him, you've seen him in action, what do you think?" Darcy almost tripped over her own feet at her mental facepalm and added, "Also, please don't make this an official SHIELD thing. He's all sorts of paranoid about people finding out who he is."

"It's kind of my duty to report that," Romanov said. "Avenger or not, I'm still with SHIELD."

"It's not because he's running around blowing buildings up! He tries to stop that kind of thing. And regular violent crimes, _and_ the supervillain stuff the Avengers are into. I think someone found out about him once and someone he knew got really hurt or something, he kind of mentioned it once and never again. Just--please. Person to person. Girl to girl. Employee of a shady organization to employee of shady organization, whatever."

Romanov's face didn't change, and she didn't say anything, so Darcy moved on. "Anyway, it's running him ragged, and I think that you guys--maybe not you, but Stark, Rogers, and Barton for sure--could use some of the busywork they'd get from splitting his usual rounds. It makes sense, right? He gets safety, you get an extra asset, we all get Stark out of our hair, and I get the awesome girlfriend of the year award."

Darcy dared a look back at Romanov. Her face was still impassive. Damn, she was good at that. Darcy tried it herself, but the single raised eyebrow Romanov gave her told her that it wasn't working at all. Darcy blew out a breath in frustration.

"Two conditions," Romanov said when they were near Avengers Tower. Darcy started to squeal in happiness but Romanov held up a finger. "One: I run a full background check on him. I won't tell SHIELD I'm doing it. Yet. If there's anything I think is a cause for concern, he's on his own and I tell SHIELD."

"He should probably be the one agreeing to this..." Darcy said.

"Fine," came a voice from above them. Darcy looked up to see Spider-man clinging to a wall, oddly invisible against the building in the bright outfit. Maybe it was like a tiger, she thought. You wouldn't think bright orange would blend into a jungle, but it did. He hopped down, standing next to Darcy. "I agree. Second condition?"

"I go with you on your probationary missions," Romanov said.

"I'd say, 'What, you don't trust me?' but I think that's kind of your default setting," he said. "Fine."

"Fine," Romanov said, turning to enter the building. "Tomorrow. Be here at sundown."

"Here?" he asked. "Not out... y'know, on a dark street somewhere?"

"Team meeting," she said with a sweet smile that somehow still looked terrifying. "Consider it your first real test."

Spider-man stammered for a few seconds before saying, "It's a date." Luckily Romanov was inside by then.

Darcy raised an eyebrow. "'It's a date'? Really, Pete?"

He shrugged. "I couldn't think of anything quippier in time. So, celebratory dinner?"

"You're buying."

"McDonald's dollar menu it is. I'll meet you back at your place."

"What, I can't hop on your back and have you swing me over to the drive through?"

"A guy in a brightly-colored outfit swinging through the city with a girl on his back?" He scoffed and shot out a web. "Not exactly inconspicuous!" he called as he swung away.

"Your face is inconspicuous!" she yelled after him.

* * *

Once again, Darcy really wished that she could see through the Spider-man mask because with the way he stopped when he saw her sitting on the fancy, fantastically comfortable sofa in Stark/Avengers Tower, she knew he had to be making a really great face.

She waved at him. Naturally, he'd come up the side of the wall and was waiting on the balcony for someone to let him in. Spider-man was incapable of using doors like a regular person while in costume.

"Oh, he's here," Jane said from where she sprawled out across Thor and Darcy. "Hey, someone should let Spider-man in."

"I would, but then you would be lacking a pillow," said Thor.

"I'll go," Darcy said.

"But you're keeping my feet warm," Jane said as Darcy got up.

Darcy ignored her and walked to the gigantic picture window to open the door. "What are you doing here?" he hissed once he'd stepped inside.

"Hi to you, too. We're having a movie night. Stark's screens are better than ours." She waved at the wall, which was currently about halfway through "Stardust."

"And this has nothing at all to do with your wanting to see how your plan works out."

"Nope!" Darcy trotted back to the couch. "Good luck with the job interview, don't let the big kids boss you around."

"You're a terrible person, Darce," he said.

She ignored him, flopping back on the sofa. Jane wiggled her feet back under Darcy's legs. "So if he's here, don't you need to go to the super-secret Avengers meeting?" Darcy asked Thor.

He scoffed. "This movie interests me. They can summon me when I am needed."

"Which would be now," Banner said. "Everyone else is in the meeting room. You're the last one, buddy."

Thor glared, but stood. Jane pouted at having her boyfriend have to go do work instead of be a pillow. "JARVIS, do not let it progress further in my absence."

"Of course," the AI said, pausing the movie.

"Hey, we were watching that!" Darcy yelled after Thor. Either he didn't hear her or (more likely) he ignored her, because the door closed behind him and Bruce without another word.

Darcy vaulted over the back of the couch and scrambled over to the door. "What are you doing?" Jane hissed, following behind her, but without the jumping.

"I didn't come all this way _not_ to hear what's happening," Darcy whispered back. "Also yeah, movie time. But this too."

She pressed her ear to the door, making room for Jane to do so as well. She could only make out little bits of the conversation. Well, pretty much everything Stark and Thor said, because they were loud, but otherwise it was all pieces of, "Parker," "Spider-man," "just a kid," and on one occasion, "OsCorp."

About twenty minutes later her back and knees hurt from the crouching and trying to hold her position as silently as possible. She heard footsteps and pulled back, trying to make it back to the sofa before the door opened. Jane, the traitor, had gone back some time ago and lay flat across the cushions with a pillow over her face.

The door opened while she was still a good ten feet away from the sofa and she froze. Steve was out first, raising an eyebrow at her. She did a helpless little version of the Charleston for lack of anything better to do--mislearned lessons from watching live TV: when in doubt, do a little dance.

It worked, or at least he attributed it to just another weird Darcy thing, because he shook his head and kept walking. Darcy exhaled and jumped back over the couch. "JARVIS, resume the film," Thor said, settling back over by Jane's head. "I wish to see how the attractive witch is defeated."

Darcy kept her head twisted back to the meeting room's door until Peter exited. With the mask off, looking stunned. "So, how did it go?" she asked.

He pulled the mask back on. "I'll tell you when I get back, I guess."

"Don't wait up," Romanov said, checking her pistols and that weird little wrist zappy thingy. Darcy wondered if Romanov even needed the wrist-zappy thingy, because most of the reports and videos she saw had everything _but_ the wrist-zappy thingy being used as weapons.

"Have fun beating the crap out of bad guys," Darcy said as they left via the balcony. She wasn't even going to guess how that was going to go for Romanov. Somehow Darcy thought that it was beneath the Black Widow to cling like a spider monkey to Peter's back.

"I didn't realize he new Norman Osborn, too," Stark said to Bruce as he wandered back out into the main room. "You'd think he'd have thicker skin. Hey, isn't this movie over yet?" He looked over at the TV screen. "We could be watching 'Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels' right now if you want to watch something by this guy."

"I wish to see more of this witch," Thor said. "She is evil, yet delightful."

"You know your girlfriend is right there," Darcy said.

"I'm perfectly delightful," Jane said.

"Indeed you are."

"Guys, save me from the schmoop-fest," Darcy said to the room at large.

"Oh, whatever. You've been hamhandedly trying to get your boyfriend on a superhero team. That's nine-tenths of a Nicholas Sparks movie right there," Stark said, pouring himself a drink.

"Who?" Steve asked blankly.

"Never mind," Darcy said.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Darcy really hates being a damsel in distress, help comes from above, and a secret is shared over beer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading and the feedback! Hopefully it continues. More notes at the end, because they do kind of have to do with the content of the chapter, but I wanted to get thanks out of the way immediately.

"Not hanging out with your boyfriend tonight? Or the superhero squad?"

"Very funny, Jess," Darcy gritted out. "Everyone's busy. I'm making it a night in."

"Oh great. So that makes me, what, number ten in line? So nice to be considered."

"You're stressed. I get it. I'm going out."

"You just got home."

"And I don't want to spend the next several hours arguing or walking on tiptoes. So: out. Later." Darcy grabbed her bag where she'd set it down not a minute earlier, put her coat back on, and walked right back out the apartment door.

She'd thought that it would be easier on her to see her boyfriend doing his ridiculously death-seeking hero schtick in a group. Instead, it meant that she had even more people to worry about. She hadn't counted on that. Somehow, with all the trying to insinuate herself in the Avengers' lives so that she could insinuate Spider-man into theirs, she'd actually become friends with them.

Mostly. Some were easier to like than others. It didn't mean she didn't freak out when she saw any of them getting thrown into buildings or cars or halfway to a different state on live newsfeeds.

Darcy put her earbuds in and stomped down the stairs. She didn't have a clue what was going on today that meant that everyone three security clearances above her was busy, or why all the Avengers plus Peter were out. A big part of her didn't want to know. She'd hear about it a week from now while she was sorting through the fallout.

And then again, knowing was more comforting than not knowing.

She walked aimlessly, more just wanting to outwalk her thoughts than with any wish to be anywhere. By the time her legs were really starting to hurt, she was just hitting a groove. Her good mood playlist finally did its job and she thought that maybe the evening wouldn't be a total bust.

Which was, naturally, when she was mugged. _Again_.

"Oh my God, don't you guys have anything better to do?" She groaned and reached into her bag. No Taser. Great, it must have fallen out when she'd put her bag down. At least her mace was there. She grabbed it, whirled around to spray it--

And nothing happened.

"Oh, fuck me," she said, looking at it in disbelief. She'd forgotten to replace the canister.

The guy who was currently trying to rob her had flinched away when she pulled out the mace, but when nothing happened he lunged forward, grabbing at her bag.

"Fuck-- _off_!" Darcy yelled, trying to pull her bag away. He pointed a gun at her. Handgun, she thought. Bigger than Natasha's, maybe, or else it just seemed that way because it was suddenly in her face. She stopped breathing--everything around her seemed to stop except for the sound of her heartbeat in her ears and the sight of the business end of the gun in her face, actually--and let go of her bag.

The guy grinned, took two steps back, and then something-- _someone_ \--fell out of the sky and landed on him.

"Goddammit!" Darcy jumped back, tripped, and fell on her ass.

The person--woman--who fell on the mugger stood up. Jessica Jones held her bag out. "Here," she said gruffly.

Darcy didn't move. "Jess?"

"I don't think I broke anything in it when I landed." She nodded to the mugger. "Not sure about him, though, so we'd better go."

Jessica helped Darcy to her feet and they walked quickly away, leaving the guy groaning on the sidewalk. "Where the hell did you come from?" Darcy asked.

"Nobody ever says thanks," Jessica muttered.

"Also, thanks."

"Can it wait until we get home?"

"I--maybe. Is it going to be a long, weird story?"

"Probably."

"Okay. In that case, I'm going to need the couch, a blanket, and a shitload of booze."

"Right," Jessica said, leading her back.

* * *

They didn't speak again until they were back at the apartment. Darcy kicked off her shoes, grabbed a beer from the fridge, and started drinking it before going to sit on the couch. She wasn't a beer person in particular, but Jessica was and they were always stocked.

"Okay," Darcy said, wiping her mouth. "I kind of get the feeling that there's a whole lot you're not telling me. You falling out of the sky is a pretty big indication of that. And thanks again for squashing that guy. Did you see him pointing a gun at me?" She started to shake and took another gulp of beer. "A gun. Jesus. That's the first time anyone's ever pointed a gun at me."

Jessica stayed standing and didn't say anything. Darcy continued rambling. "I mean, seriously. A gun. I have like, twenty bucks and one credit card in there. I could have got shot over twenty bucks and a credit card. And my Marble Slab punch card, I guess. And my iPod and phone. So that's, what, another hundred bucks he could have made on eBay? And another twenty for the bag? I could have got shot over a hundred and forty bucks and and a shitty credit card. My credit isn't even that good. I need one of Natasha's wrist thingies. I'm getting Stark on that the next time I see him. That's a good idea, right?"

"Yeah," Jessica said, still standing with her arms crossed. "Sure it is."

"So what did you want to talk about?"

"If it were up to me, I wouldn't," Jessica said. "Except I know you'll bug me forever once you snap out of this. Okay. Here it goes." She closed her eyes. "I have powers."

"You what?"

"I can fly. I can't really land, but I can fly. I'm harder to hurt than most people. Physically, I mean. I'm not supernaturally gifted against bitchy comments. And I'm strong."

Darcy looked at her, thinking, and then said, "So you've been making me help you carry things up the stairs all this time, and--"

"Oh my God, that's what you're going to with this?" Jessica rolled her eyes. "Darcy--"

"You've got superpowers and you saved me from possibly being killed just now," Darcy said. "I'm not going to freak out about this. You know that of all the people you could ever talk to about having superpowers, I would absolutely not freak out about it. Unless maybe your power involved turning you into a gross amoeba monster. It doesn't, right?"

"It hasn't so far."

"Great. Because I'm not cleaning up after that." Darcy gulped at her beer and finished it off. "Another," she said, thumping the empty bottle down on the couch.

Jessica looked at her like she was crazy. "This is an Avengers thing, isn't it?"

"Thor. Be glad I didn't slam it on the floor. Seriously, though, I need at least five beers."

"We've only got three, and you're paying me back."

"I will buy you beer for a month. Seriously. You're like my hero right now."

Jessica flinched, but handed over a bottle anyway. "Just... don't. I'm not a hero."

"You kind of saved me by squashing a mugger. Hence: hero."

"Look, I--" Jessica grabbed the last beer in the fridge, opened it without use of a bottle opener because apparently she was crazy strong and partially invulnerable and not hiding it anymore, and took a long drink. "I tried that," she said quietly. "It didn't work."

"You tried the hero thing."

"Yeah," she said, not looking up. "Called myself Jewel. I had a homemade costume, wore a pink wig, the whole nine yards. It just after high school."

"So Peter doesn't know about this."

"Fuck no. I don't advertise it. I tried rescuing people, stopping crime, all the stuff heroes are supposed to do. And then..." she shrugged.

"And then what?" Darcy asked.

"And then it didn't fucking work out and I don't want to get any deeper into it," Jessica snapped. "I'm done with it. Hung up the tights, burned the wig. The hero thing is for idiots."

"But you saved me," Darcy pointed out. "I don't think that was stupid. It's kind of important to me."

Jessica polished off her beer and burped. "I'm going to bed. Try not to go out and get yourself killed. I'm not going after you this time." Before she closed her door, she stuck her head back out and yelled, "And if you tell _anyone_ about this, I will fucking end you."

The threat was pretty unnecessary, Darcy thought, leaning back on the couch and fishing around for the remote control. She wouldn't do that to Jessica. Darcy turned on the TV, finding something mindless and leaving the volume on low. It wasn't like she was going to be able to sleep tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone wondering how much Jessica Jones' background would play into this story... well. I didn't want to make it _too_ explicit, because it is some very heavy shit but it is still very much a part of who she is and informs her opinion on things. If you'd like to know my head-canon on it, I can explain elsewhere and link back to it in the next update. Otherwise, assume it's the same only different (???).
> 
> For those who don't know and wish to, read "Alias" by Brian Michael Bendis (or look up the Jessica Jones tag on [scans_daily](http://scans-daily.dreamwidth.org/) over on Dreamwidth, some excerpts are there) but be warned: it is _not_ a happy story. There's mind control and being forced to watch someone doing some really, really awful things involved. The relevant posts have additional trigger warnings if you are so interested. That said, "Alias" is (in my opinion) a great comic that takes a look at the Marvelverse from another point of view and turned Jessica from someone I was interested in learning more about from Young Avengers into one of my favorite characters ever.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Darcy meets Pepper, is not sleeping with Tony, and puts in for an upgrade.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading and everything! As this draws closer to the end of me re-editing and posting it, I'm finding that I'm not quite ready to stop writing these guys so I've started on a sequel. As of this morning I'm a little less than a thousand words into it (though no actual plot has happened yet... I swear I'm usually a five thousand words or less person) and while I'm planning to write at a more sedate pace, it should still be up in the next week or two. (Operating word: should. I'm trying to fight off a particularly annoying and will-sapping allergic reaction right now.)
> 
> Enjoy!

Darcy felt completely justified in taking the next day off from work. She'd gone in after the previous mugging attempt, but since she'd had a panic attack after trying to sleep this time and spent all night absolutely convinced that she was dying, she decided that she could afford to use her vacation time.

She finally managed to doze on the couch with the TV on a marathon of Law & Order, the volume low to make a nice, droning buzz. And then someone knocked at the door.

"Dammit," she said, rolling off of the couch with a groan. She wrapped her knit blanket around herself and stomped over, peering through the peephole. Peter stood out in the hallway with a paper bag in one hand and a drink holder in the other.

"You're lucky you brought food," she said, letting him in. "I am in no mood right now, Parker."

"You look like hell," he said, setting the food down on the floor in front of the TV.

"Thanks. You're not exactly male model material yourself right now."

He winced. About half of his face was swollen, mottled in various shades of icky bruise colors. "I lost a fight with--you'll probably read about it later."

"Yeah, I will," she said, dead serious and unwrapping her hamburger. "I'll probably see a video, too."

"Yeah. You're really not going to like that."

"No. I'm not. You've iced it, right? Or put peas or meat on it or whatever you're supposed to do?"

"Last night," he said, waving vaguely. "I'm coasting by on adrenaline and over-the-counter painkillers right now. It's fine. So... how come you're not at work? I went by there first, but--"

"Took the day off. I had a _great_ time last night. Really, really special." She tried to think of a way to edit Jessica's part in the story out. Jessica could tell Peter about her superpower thing if she wanted to. Which, judging by the not-at-all veiled threat last night, she absolutely didn't want to. "I got mugged again."

"But you're okay, right?" He was immediately right there holding her, and she felt bad for wishing that he'd been there. Or that he'd at least dropped by after.

"Yeah, I'm good. Kind of wished you were there, though. I realized that I'm completely allergic to big fucking guns being pointed at me."

"Most people are," said Peter. "Except for like, Dr. Banner when he's Hulked out. I'm jealous." He got quiet, looking over at the TV. "I wouldn’t wish for me to be there to save you every time, though. Did I ever tell you what happened to my first girlfriend? Gwen? Nice girl. I snapped her neck by accident. I tried to save her and I messed up." He shrugged, looking over at the TV. Looking through it, maybe. “I messed up and she died.”

She didn't know what to say to that. So she put her hand on his shoulder, tentatively just in case he didn't want it there. But Peter didn't shrug it off. "I'm sorry."

"So am I." He rubbed a hand over his face. "It was years ago. But you don't ever get over things like that, you know?"

"I wouldn't. But I can imagine." So that was the person he never wanted to talk about. Understandably, if he blamed himself for her death. She would have probed deeper, but she was just so tired. She leaned back against the couch, her uneaten burger still in her hand. "I just want to sleep for, like, a week."

"I'll let you," he said, getting up. "I've got to get going."

Darcy groaned. "Seriously?"

"I've got class soon. I can make it if I swing there."

"Do you think you'll be free after?"

Peter hesitated, standing up and adjusting his backpack. "Do you want the honest answer?"

"Probably not. Have fun doing whatever." She gave him a halfhearted wave.

He left out the kitchen window like a gigantic dork, and no, she wasn't at all jealous that he could do that easily. It wasn't fair that she knew so many people who could fly or as good as fly. Maybe she should take up parkour.

She took a big bite of cold hamburger. Or, she thought as she chewed with her eyes closed, maybe she could just stay here for a while. That sounded pretty good right now.

* * *

Darcy let herself into the room, expecting the usual dorm common room vibe that she was greeted with when the elevator to the main floor of the Avengers' tower opened. Instead, the room was pretty much deserted. She nearly stepped back into the elevator and wrote the trip off as a loss when she heard voices.

One of them was clearly Stark. She'd heard him babbling enough to recognize him without seeing him by now. The other was softer and unfamiliar. Also, it was a woman's voice. She really hoped that there wasn't anything NC-17 going on, because that would be awkward and the elevator had just left without her.

"...don't see why you always have to--" The woman stepped out from the meeting room and froze, staring at Darcy, who stared back. It was like a rabbit in headlights stare-off, except that most rabbits didn't wear ridiculously expensive looking tasteful skirt-suits. Darcy, at her casual finest, complete with a Nyancat scarf a college friend sent her for her last birthday, wondered if the fashionpocalypse would happen if they got too close to each other. Whatever, she knew she looked awesome.

"Can I help you?" the woman asked.

"Uh. Kind of looking for Stark."

The woman's eyebrow lifted, but before she could make any sort of cutting remark--which was fitting, because she'd read all the TMZ articles on Tony Stark's various man-slut ways before he'd hooked up with-- "Oh God, you're Virginia Potts."

"I--yes." The woman--Potts--looked taken aback.

"You know, I am totally a big fan of yours because it's got to be hard as shit to run Stark Industries and babysit that ass, and just so you know, I'm not sleeping with him." She'd better get that out of the way first thing. It seemed smart. "And it's not like, lying guilt making me say that. I'm dating this college guy right now."

"...I see," Potts said.

"Anyway, I needed to ask him if he could make some kind of portable weapon for me. Like Black Widow's wrist zapper thingies, you know? Or like, a ring that shoots lasers. Or a necklace gun. Something stylish, but that still packs a punch."

Potts nodded, her smile looking frozen.

"He's here, right? I thought I heard him. Oh, I'm Darcy Lewis." She reached out to shake Potts' hand. Said hand was shaken very lightly. "I'm a friend of Thor's and Thor's girlfriend--actually, I was her student assistant first, so that should probably be reversed, but since he has his own crash space here I figured, y'know, go with that order--and anyway, I hang out here sometimes."

"Right."

"Hey, while Stark's not breathing down our necks, could you share a trade secret? You were his PA for like, ever, right? How do you keep him from driving you absolutely insane? He remodeled my cubicle at work, which is okay now but I really could have done without the in process parts."

"Oh God, you've met and now you're talking about me."

"Not everything is about you, Stark," Darcy said without turning. Dropping her voice to a whisper, she asked Potts, "Email it to me? Blink it in code? It's important."

"Of course it is," Stark said, walking up to them and holding Potts in a hug from behind. "What else would you two have to talk about?"

"Makeup tips," Potts said, smiling sweetly at him.

"Liar. Hey, Rainbow Brite, what're you doing here? Where's Shutterbug?"

"Peter's busy," Darcy said, rolling her eyes. "And if you like the scarf that much, I'll get one for you."

"Oh, that would be a sight," Potts said. "I may have to insist on that."

"Fine. I dare you. I'll wear it," Stark said, jutting his jaw out. "So, Pep, this is Darcy, she's like our team mascot now."

"I'm a mascot?"

"Please don't invest in a giant animal head to wear over yours. I find those incredibly creepy. The big plastic eyes..." Stark shuddered. "She's dating the junior Avenger."

"God, just broadcast it everywhere..."

"Hey, Pepper was here from almost day one of the Avengers Initiative, back when it was just a SHIELD thing." Tony patted her on both shoulders, fondly. Potts--Pepper?--looked fondly annoyed.

"Oh. Wow. Okay. Ms. Potts--he really calls you 'Pepper'?"

"He just called you 'Rainbow Brite.' Pepper isn't actually that bad of a nickname." She shrugged. "I'm more used to answering to that than to Virginia now."

"Cool. So do I call you Pepper, or Ms. Potts, or...?"

"Either would be fine."

"Okay. Pepper. Wow, I just called someone who shows up on MSNBC a nickname."

"You've called me Jerkasaurus Stark twice," Stark said.

"You don't count, I've seen you pick your nose," Darcy said, waving a hand dismissively. "And besides, you are. So, should I come back later, or--"

"I have a meeting to be at, actually," Pepper said. "I'll be back in about two hours, barring catastrophe."

"It's a date," Stark said as she walked to the elevator. The special elevator, the one that Darcy had never used. "So, what do you need?"

"Some sort of necklace gun or a wrist zappy thing," Darcy said. "Or some other kind of tiny, powerful weapon I don't have to fumble for. Taser's no good if it falls out of my bag or if the battery runs out, and my pepper spray needs a new capsule if I use it."

"And this is a concern for you because...?"

"Oh, like you're not going to jump at the chance to screw around on a new toy."

"You're right, I'll do it," Stark said, turning for the special elevator and snapping his fingers for her to follow. "I'm just curious. It's like Cap asking for a new shield or Thor trading in the hammer for a gun or something."

She waited until they were inside the special elevator (which wasn't very much different than the other elevator, just smaller) before saying quietly, "I've been mugged twice in the past few months. The first time I pepper sprayed the guy so that turned out okay. Earlier this week my Taser fell out of my bag, and I forgot to put a new capsaicin cartridge back in the pepper spray. The guy pulled a gun on me. It could have been bad."

"But it wasn't," he said. Out of the corner of her eye she saw him turn to look at her. She kept looking straight ahead, waiting for the door to one of his lab floors to open.

"I'm here, right? So I've been thinking, and I need something better. Something that doesn't need to be recharged all the time. Maybe like something I can wear on my arm so I don't have to pull it out of a bag. You know, like Natasha's wrist things. Why does she have those if she uses guns, anyway?"

"Close combat stuff," Stark said, stepping out as the door opened.

"Oh. Yeah, that makes sense. But can't she just like, choke them out with her eyelashes?"

"I've seen her do that," Stark said, totally straight-faced as he turned to look back at her. "It's not pretty."

"I'll bet. So. What do you think? Death laser ring? Electroshock bracelet? Throwing star necklace?"

Stark looked at her critically across the table he'd led her to. "I'm thinking nonlethal. You don't seem to be the lethal type."

"I'm totally the lethal type," Darcy said, affronted.

"Right. So, you love the hell out of that Taser. Something that can be used at a reasonable distance. Are you right- or left-handed?"

"Uh. Right." She waved her right hand at him for emphasis.

"Fine. Hold out your right arm over here. Yeah, just like that. Hold still. JARVIS? Take a scan of her arm, would you?"

"Of course, sir," came the polite voice that had stopped creeping her out.

Blue light scanned over her arm from the table, and he waved her away. "Go. Step back. It's done."

"Whoa." She stepped to the side, looking at the holographic model of her arm left hovering over the table.

"Do you wear a watch?"

"Dude, what year is it? I have a cell phone."

Stark nodded absently. "No watch. Bracelet, maybe. I think I have some ideas."

"Oh, cool."

Stark started doing moving the model of her arm around, then paused. "You're still here?"

Darcy looked to one side and then the other. "Apparently."

"Go. Get. I'm working. Don't call me, I'll call you."

"Right. Thanks." She waved and let herself out. She took the special elevator, too.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Darcy gets a job offer, discusses someone near and dear to everyone's heart, and makes a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to everyone! And to address a concern left in the comments: yes, I am aware that Peter in this last chapter is more Tobey Maguire Peter Parker than I'm entirely pleased with, but hopefully the reasons will be clear. (No, he's not a Skrull.)
> 
> Hope y'all continue to enjoy!

The new Taser bracelet--though Darcy was supposed to call it the Wrist-Mounted Electro-Muscular Disruptor for patent reasons and Stark just called it the Bug Zapper--was _awesome_. When it was finished, it would look like a chunky silver bracelet that would fit snugly around her right wrist. "This right here hides the battery--" Stark had said, pointing out what looked like a decoration on one segment-- "and this hides the electrodes and wire. Very delicate work. We're talking wire like a spider's web."

"I bet Peter'll love that," Darcy had murmured, marveling at the hologram.

Sitting at her desk, she couldn't help but admire the concept schematic she had saved on her phone. Apparently Pepper had a big part in the aesthetics of it, since the original design had tended more toward a weapon that looked like a weapon instead of like an actual piece of jewelry. Having a camouflaged wrist Taser made Darcy feel _badass_. Just let someone try to sneak up behind her now.

"Ms. Lewis."

"Gah!" Darcy spun around, chucking her pencil at the voice and immediately wished that she hadn't. A woman in a SHIELD field agent's jumpsuit stood there. So that was strike one. Strike two was that the woman was Deputy Director of SHIELD Maria Hill. As in, second in command to only Nick Fury himself. And she looked entirely unamused at having to dodge a pencil.

"I need you to come with me."

No please. Just that businesslike tone of voice. Darcy would cry if it wasn't completely against her principles to cry at work. "Okay," she said, standing up. "Do I need to, like, get my things or...?"

"That's not necessary," Hill said, turning like she expected Darcy to follow her. Which, you know, Darcy did, because Darcy wasn't stupid and if she tried to run away she was pretty sure Hill could take her down.

She followed Hill out of the cube farm and down the hall to an elevator. And the elevator went down. Darcy wondered if she was about to die, and wished that the wrist Taser was ready. "So... where are we going?" she asked.

"Director Fury wants to speak with you," Hill said, not looking at her.

Strike three. Today was the worst day ever. "Oh shit," Darcy said.

* * *

Nick Fury didn't technically have an office in the NYC SHIELD building. At least, not one that he occupied full-time. Darcy had heard that his real headquarters was on some like, some top-secret moving fortress. But there were offices in every SHIELD building for the guys in charge to use, and Fury was now occupying this one. Darcy was uncomfortably reminded of the Emperor's throne room in _Return of the Jedi_ , except instead of some wrinkly old white guy in a robe, Nick Fucking Fury stood behind a desk, hands behind his back.

He had to have been posing. "You were just waiting for someone to walk in and be intimidated, weren't you?" she said, horrified before the words even finished leaving her mouth and still unable to stop them.

The lines in Fury's face deepened, even if he didn't exactly frown. Inwardly, Darcy quailed. "Ms. Lewis," he said, as if she hadn't said anything. Darcy tried to take a step back, but Hill stood just behind her, Darth Vader-like and atmospheric.

"Yes?" she squeaked.

"You've been making waves." He started to pace behind the desk, still watching her. "I understand that you've been getting cozy with the Avengers lately."

"Thor _is_ a friend of mine," she said. "So that's not weird or anything."

"And that you're responsible for introducing your boyfriend--a non-SHIELD-vetted element--to the team."

"Oh God. Who talked? They said they weren't going to tell anyone," Darcy blurted out.

He narrowed his eye at her. "We're not stupid, Ms. Lewis. SHIELD has been keeping an eye on Mr. Parker for some time now."

After the fear and sudden shock passed, anger moved in. Darcy's mouth was off and running again, but she let it run free. "So, what, you knew about him and you let him keep doing that? Alone? Do you know how much better it's been for him to be working with other people?" She took three quick steps forward and grabbed the edge of the desk, glaring up at Fury as best she could across a few feet of shiny dark wood and a not-insignificant height difference. "He's not alone anymore. He needed to know that. And he what, wasn't good enough to join your club?" She shook her head, disbelieving. "You--"

Fury held up a hand. "Before you say anything that'll get you _fired_ , let me continue. The addition of Mr. Parker to the Avengers, as well as the subsequent shift in focus from world threats to less serious ones-"

"--they saved a schoolbus from being hijacked by some idiot in tights last week!"

"Ms. Lewis, I'm not going to warn you again." He waited, then continued. "As I was saying, this shift isn't entirely bad. In my estimation it is, in fact, very good. The Avengers Initiative was originally conceived to be an iconic force for good. Against world-ending threats, maybe, but good PR is nothing we can't turn down, especially after the massive destruction of the Chitauri invasion."

She waited for him to pause and asked, "So I'm not fired? Peter isn't going to be, like, arrested?"

"No and no," Fury said. "In fact, I'd like to offer you a promotion."

"Do what huh?"

"The Avengers are currently in legal limbo, Ms. Lewis. The Avengers Initiative was canceled. They are on paper an independent group not affiliated with any government. However, two SHIELD agents have assigned themselves to it, not to mention a man who is technically still property of the United States government, and I have kept nominal control over their activities. They have been happy to let me so long as I, and I quote, 'don't get in their way.'" He dropped the menacing overlord act and snorted. "What kind of stupid-assed posturing is that. 'Get in their way'." He shook his head. "The point is, we need a liaison who can keep communication going between SHIELD and the Avengers."

Darcy stared. "Wait. What?"

"You, Ms. Lewis. We've gone through a series of high-level agents in the past several months, all of whom had to be reassigned. There were... personality clashes."

"Oh! Like Agent What's-his-face, the one Stark--"

"Left on top of the Chrysler building, yes."

Darcy laughed and quickly slapped a hand over her mouth to stifle it. "Yeah, that was pretty rude of him," she said. "But in all fairness, he was a serious douchebag. So why me? I'm not--look at me. I'm a cube rat. I'm not SHIELD agent material."

"Ms. Lewis, why exactly did Tony Stark feel the need to leave Agent Myers on top of the Chrysler building?"

"He kept needling Clint about stuff that happened during the alien invasion and both Clint and Thor were getting edgy," Darcy said blankly. "And he _said_ the last straw was Agent Smith Junior trying to hand him stuff directly despite being told repeatedly not to, but if you ask me--"

"Yes or no question. Tony Stark is designing specialized weaponry for you."

"I'm not sure I'd call it a weapon, exactly--"

"And did you talk the Avengers into accepting a new teammate based solely on your recommendation?"

"He's in the newspaper all the time, they knew who he was before."

"They trust you, Ms. Lewis. You know them. You aren't impressed by them."

"I wouldn't say that, Natasha's pretty impressive."

"We need this line of communication to ensure that things continue to run smoothly."

"And there's nobody else."

"If there was, I would be asking them." Fury's face went from stern to almost regretful, and he sighed deeply. "There was one previous agent who worked well with them. Phil Coulson. They trusted him. You met him, actually, in New Mexico."

Darcy searched her memory for New Mexico and SHIELD. Mostly she remembered annoyance. "Oh, that guy," she said. "What happened to him?"

"He's no longer with us," Fury said carefully. "But we need another working relationship like that. Someone who won't take their shit and won't refuse to tell SHIELD when they need to back off."

She stayed quiet for a few seconds. "Can I have some time to think this over?"

"I expect an answer by the time you get to work tomorrow, Ms. Lewis."

"Can I go home early, then?"

He raised an eyebrow, the one over his good eye. "Pushing your luck, aren't you?"

Darcy shrugged. "It's worth a shot."

He nodded curtly. "Fine. Tomorrow morning."

"Got it, boss," she said. She turned to Maria. "So can I go, or are you two going to lightsaber fight over me?"

Hill stared at her and shook her head.

* * *

The first thing she did was text Peter. He didn't respond by the time she got to Avengers Tower. Great.

So the second thing she did was let herself in, going up the elevator to the main floor. Maybe there was something to what Fury said. She didn't have to get a visitor's pass anymore. The elevator was keyed to just let her in. "Hey JARVIS," she said, leaning against the frame.

"Good afternoon, Ms. Lewis."

"Is anyone home?"

"Captain Rogers is watching television."

"Yeah, that works," she said. "Thanks."

"You're welcome."

The elevator opened on the main room. Steve looked over, a notepad in his hands and the TV on Animal Planet. "Darcy? Aren't you supposed to be at work?"

"Took the day off," she said breezily. "Got the okay from Nick Fury himself."

"Fury. What did he want with you?"

"We had a talk. It was weird. Mind if I sit down?"

"Go ahead." Steve moved over, closing the notepad. It was a sketchbook, not a regular old lined notepad, she saw when she got closer.

"What happened to Phil Coulson?"

Steve went very still, looking down at his notepad. "Why do you want to know?"

"Fury mentioned him to me. I met him once in New Mexico. Jerk stole Jane's research and my iPod. I guess he's not around anymore?"

Steve let out a long shaky exhalation and looked at his hands. "Agent Coulson--Phil--died. Earlier this year. During the Chitauri invasion."

"Oh." She let that sink in. She hadn't thought much of the guy after everything that went down in New Mexico, but mentioning him seemed to really hurt Steve so she didn't say that. "I'm sorry."

"He helped bring us all together," Steve said. "He annoyed the hell out of Tony. Natasha and Clint worked with him for years. He and Pepper were friends."

"That absolutely blows," she said, completely honest. "I only met him a couple of times. We didn't get along the first couple, and then we were all being almost blown up the other, so there really wasn't much time to talk."

"He was a good man," Steve said. His eyes looked distant, like when he talked about his friends back in the forties. "I found out he was a fan of mine, did you know that? He had these cards--" He stopped short.

"So what happened?" she asked gently.

"Thor's brother. He was the one behind the invasion, and we thought that we'd captured him. We didn't. It was all a trap. We ended up at each others' throats, and Coulson--Phil--kept a cool head. He confronted Loki when none of the rest of us could. Thor was there. He saw Loki stab him."

"Damn," Darcy said. "That--damn."

"Yeah," Steve said. "Damn."

Neither of them spoke, and Darcy just sat, thinking. She stood up, walked around the room, looking at the spot where Bruce and Stark had tested something or other and blown a huge dent in the refrigerator door, or the burned spot against the opposite wall where Thor had chucked a s'more when Darcy tried to show him how to make them and it turned out to be a gigantic flaming disaster. She didn't even know how hard you had to throw a flaming s'more to get it to go that distance. Marshmallows were light.

"I think I need to go," Darcy said. "Sorry for, y'know, bringing up bad memories."

She hurried out to the elevator.

* * *

Darcy was back in the NYC SHIELD office within the hour. Except... okay, now she had absolutely no idea what to do. Walk up to someone and say, "I need to talk to Nick Fury"? She imagined it was like walking into the visitor's center of the White House and demanding to speak with the President. Complete no-go.

She went back to her cube, intending to see if by some fluke of nature Fury's email address was in the company contact list, and of course a SHIELD agent in a blue jumpsuit stood there waiting for her. "Are you guys, like, psychic or something?" she asked.

The man didn't look amused. "The building has cameras," he said.

"Oh. Right. Very Big Brother." He gave her a downright dirty look at that. She gave him her best big-eyed innocent stare back.

She was escorted back to the same Death Star-esque office, where Fury actually sat instead of standing and pacing. "I presume you have an answer, Ms. Lewis?" he said after the escorting agent left, not looking up.

"Yeah." She took a deep breath. "No."


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Darcy explains herself, Jessica brings home a friend, and conversations with dead people happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading! One more chapter to go. And then the follow-up, which is coming along nicely, if not as breakneck as this one did.
> 
> Hope y'all enjoy this still!

That actually seemed to take him by surprise. He stopped whatever he'd been typing and looked up at her, eyebrows furrowing together. "Excuse me?"

"I can't," she said. "The last guy who did a good job working with them died. The ones you keep sending are all super-spy field agents or something. I almost got mugged twice since moving here and that was pretty much enough for me. They're _superheroes_. What they do goes way the hell beyond jackasses trying to grab wallets and cell phones. And what do I have? Pepper spray? A Taser? A wrist-thingy to zap people with?" She shook her head.

"I will point out that a Taser took down Thor at least once," Fury said mildly.

"Yeah, and then his freaking evil brother stabbed a SHIELD ninja. I'm painting a gigantic target on myself if I do this, and..." She shook her head. "I can't." She remembered Peter saying, _I messed up and I killed her,_ and the look on Steve's face when he talked about how Coulson had died. And mostly, she thought of her own sudden, heart-stopping terror in the face of a big fucking gun. “Maybe bad things happen when people like me try to get mixed up in the superhero business.”

Fury stared at her. "I'm very sorry you feel that way, Ms. Lewis."

Sudden cold fear crept up her stomach and into her chest. "You're not gonna have Agent Stinkeye out there drive me out to the middle of nowhere and 'take care of me' now, are you?"

"No," Fury said. "You're free to go."

"And I'm still not fired, right?"

"You're testing my patience, but for the moment, no."

"So what's the catch?"

"Just get out of here," he snapped.

Darcy didn't run out the door. She _power walked_ out the door. There was a difference.

* * *

By that point, it was late in the afternoon. Peter still hadn't texted back. She tried again, but didn't count on him being able to join her for dinner.

She really had made the right choice. It was a complete accident that she somehow ended up surrounded by superheroes. There was no way she'd be able to keep up. She liked her life just fine the way it was, with no additional responsibilities, and also a lack of freaky people considering her a target. Low level cube monkey was a perfectly acceptable position to hold in life.

Darcy plopped her head down on the Taco Bell table. She _really_ didn't want to be a cube monkey forever.

Her cell phone beeped. When she looked at it, there was a single sentence from Peter: _We need to talk._ She groaned. Yeah, officially the worst day ever. She'd call him later and make him stew for now.

Back at home, she settled herself in on the sofa and popped in a DVD. Two episodes into Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the door opened. Jess walked in, with a big guy behind her. "Uh," Darcy said, because Jessica had never brought home a guy before.

"Uh," the guy said. "Hi."

"Aren't you supposed to be at the Avengers club house?" Jessica said in annoyance. "I thought I was going to have the place to myself tonight."

"It was a long day," Darcy said. "I just wanted some time to myself."

"Yeah, well, so did I. Darcy, Luke. Luke, my roommate, who is leaving."

"Fine," Darcy grumbled, turning the TV off and heading to her room to change into not-PJs. "If I find ass-prints in the kitchen, I will have revenge!" she yelled through her door.

"I should make you pay to have the shower decontaminated!" Jessica yelled back.

Darcy pulled on a coat, yanked on her shoes, and made sure that her Taser and pepper spray were nestled safely in her bag. It was going to be so awesome when she had that bracelet and didn't need to worry about fumbling around for those, much as she was used to them.

"Okay, I'm leaving," she yelled, except it turned out she didn't need to. Jessica and Luke were still in the tiny kitchen. "Nice meeting you, I think," Darcy said. She stopped, backed up, and squinted at him.

"Do I have something on my face?" Luke asked.

"I saw you in a local ad the other day," Darcy said. "You and some guy in a yellow bandanna. What was it? Heroes for Hire? Catchy, good alliteration--"

"Get the hell out of here," Jessica said.

"And that's my cue." Darcy let herself out and hopped down the stairs, wanting as much space between her and them as possible before any noises started. She stood at the bottom of the stairs, looking out. It was too cold now to really just wander, and too late for most places that weren't restaurants, bars, or clubs to be open. She wasn't in the drinking or clubbing mood today. And the last few times that she'd just wandered aimlessly...

Yeah, she wouldn't be doing that. Playing on her phone at a coffee shop it was, then.

It turned out that Bejeweled and Words With Friends could only hold Darcy's attention for so long. Maybe she'd start saving up for a handheld game system. A DS, maybe. Pokemon looked fun.

"Excuse me. Is anyone sitting here?"

"Not interested, buddy," she said, not looking up from the free games section of the app store on her phone. "Move along."

"I think you might be, Ms. Lewis."

"Okay, what the f--" She stopped mid-curse when she looked up and saw a dead guy looking at her.

So Coulson didn't look exactly like she remembered from New Mexico. The beard was new, and he wore a nondescript blue coat instead of a Men in Black-looking suit. But it was him. She wondered if Tasers worked on ghosts. "Aren't you... you know, kind of dead?"

"Officially," Coulson said. "And I'll need to stay that way. I trust I can rely on your discretion."

It wasn't a question. She was really, really weirded out. "Okay, what the fuck? Why does everyone think you're dead if you're not? Do you have a warrant out for your arrest or something? Fury's going to kill me now, isn't he? That freaky eye of him sees _everything_ , it's like some kind of crystal ball--"

"Director Fury asked me to find you," Coulson said in that quiet, genial way she remembered him doing everything in New Mexico, from taking Jane's stuff to apologizing after. "So needless to say, he would appreciate your discretion on this as well."

"You. Are. Dead."

Coulson looked down, back up, and shrugged.

"So, what, everyone's just lying to them? Did they kill a clone? A robot? What happened?"

"It's complicated," Coulson said. "As much as I regret it, the deception was necessary."

"Oh. Great. Lying to them for their own good. I guess you and Fury told them that Santa and the Tooth Fairy were real, too."

"Ms. Lewis, this is all beside the point."

"And what point would that be, exactly? That I work for the shittiest group of people on the planet?" She thought again about Steve's face when she'd brought Coulson up earlier that afternoon. And everyone else who'd known him... seriously, what the _fuck_.

"The point is that for the Avengers to continue to function effectively as a team, they need focus and direction. SHIELD can give them direction, but they need a channel to that. And they need someone they can trust. Evidently, they can't trust Fury and they couldn't trust me." He actually looked sad about that.

"Steve said you were a fan of his," she said slowly.

"I am. I grew up believing in heroes because of him. I wish I had more time to work with him."

She leaned back, crossing her arms. "He spoke highly of you, you know."

If he'd beamed at that, she would have zapped him right then and there. But he looked crushed. Quietly, stoically crushed. All right, so the jerk went up in her esteem for that. "I truly regret the deception, and my part in it, however unwitting at the time. And my continuing part in it. But the situation called for what needed to be done. I won't lie to you, Darcy; you will have to make difficult decisions. You'll know more than you ever wanted to know about things you had no idea existed. But it's worth it."

"You're not going to wipe my fingerprints now, are you? Am I going to have to wear one of those boring-ass suits?"

"I'm sorry?"

"Nothing. You probably didn't get out much, did you?"

Coulson gave her a small smile. "More than you would think."

"So really, did you just crib a Tommy Lee Jones line to try and get me to change my mind?"

"Maybe a little. It's true, though. And you do care about them."

"Yeah. I do." She looked at the table. "How do you deal? I mean, that's a terrible question. You're--you _were_ \--SHIELD trained, you can probably take people out with your pinkie."

"Different people have different strengths," Coulson said. "It's that simple. Are you sure that's what you're really worried about?"

"What, you're psychoanalyzing me now?"

"It seems like you need it. By all accounts, you should be jumping at the chance to be one of the big kids."

"Yeah, and by all accounts I've had to have my ass saved by the big kids. I kind of suck at this game."

"Different talents," Coulson said patiently. "I thought they taught that in school these days."

"They're more about everyone sitting quietly and knowing that cookies are a sometimes food."

"Hm." He gave himself a shake. "We're off-topic. The point is, what happens will happen. Director Fury knows that you aren't combat trained, and he won't put you in combat situations unless you become properly trained."

"And if some weirdo tries to target me?"

"In that case, you'd be surrounded by the best security force on Earth. And they like you. I don't think you'd need to worry for long."

Darcy snorted. "Like I'd let them feel all superior about taking care of me."

"In that case, I'd work on that combat training."

She checked her watch, wondering if enough time had gone by for Jessica and Luke to have pants back on yet. If not, she could just crash at the Avengers' tower. She felt okay about that now. "I should probably go," she said, standing. "You're pretty good at these 'you had the power all along' speeches, you know that?"

"What do you think my power is?"

Since Coulson was completely straight-faced, she couldn't tell if he was joking or not. "I'll keep your secret," she said. "But I'm officially making my opinion known that it's shitty and it'll probably come back to bite everyone in the ass."

"Noted," Coulson said. "For what it's worth, I'm not happy with it either."

"You're really lucky none of them are psychic."

"I imagine that I am."

She stepped out around the table, turned back, and said, "Between the two of us, they really are a bunch of gigantic children, aren't they?"

"I took a lot of direction from Supernanny." He shrugged. "I got laughed at, but it works."

"Supernanny. Huh. I've been using The Dog Whisperer."

He considered that. "I'd imagine that would work, too."

"Yeah. See you around," she said with a little wave.

"No. You won't," he said.

She whirled back around, pointing at him. "I _knew_ you were stealing lines from _Men in Black_!"

Coulson just smiled.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Darcy gets upgraded in more ways then one, people get sense knocked into them, and all is temporarily right in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you from the bottom of my heart to everyone who has read this, commented, left kudos, etc.! I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around the sheer amount of positive reaction to this story, and I'm so incredibly thankful to all of y'all. Every bit of feedback helped me out in the editing process, whether it was re-evaluating a character moment or just keeping my spirits up. Thank you all so much.
> 
> And yes, there _is_ a sequel being written. Will we see Coulson again? How will Darcy take to her new job? What other comic book cameos can I get away with throwing in? How long until Peter stops being the New Guy? It's all being worked on. Look for it soon-ish. Like, a week or two soon-ish. Hope y'all like it as much as this.
> 
> (#coulsonlives!)

"Okay, so it fits comfortably? Doesn't pinch, but no slack? The sensors need to be able to read your muscle movements."

Darcy wiggled her fingers and shook her arm experimentally. Tony jumped back. "Aim at the target! _Not_ at me. The darts _will_ fire if you set them off."

"Feels like it fits pretty well," she said. She hadn't been aiming at him. Really.

"Now, you see where that little... bangly thing... at the bottom is? You're going to want to do _this_ with your hands, with that sighted at the target."

She stared at him over the top of her glasses. "Really. You want me to do Spider-man hand."

"It's not Spider-man hand, it's party hard hand."

"Upside-down. With the thumb out."

"Whatever, I thought it'd be something you recognize and won't do on a regular basis. I could make it the Vulcan 'live long and prosper' sign if you wanted."

"Spider-man hand is fine." She took aim, did the triggering hand signal, and--

"Holy shit!" she yelled as two barely-visible darts leaped out, equally-barely-visible wires flashing in the light of the Avengers' gym, and started arcing blue light for a second into the wall just to the side of the target. "It worked!"

Tony frowned. "You're going to need to work on your aim. Luckily, the battery should last for three years at a once-per-day use. You'll have plenty of juice to practice with."

"Is it an arc reactor?" Darcy pressed the part of the bracelet that served as a reset, and the tiny darts and wires snapped back into place with a hissing noise.

"When I can make them that itty-bitty, I'll get out of the superhero business and retire to my floating cash island."

She grinned at him. "No, you won't."

"No, I won't," he said. "Let's just say that you want to bring the battery in for me to dispose of once that little bit there starts turning red. It's not something you just want lying around in the trash."

"But I'm okay with it, right?"

"You weren't planning on having kids, right?"

She stared at him and aimed the Taser bracelet at his face.

"Kidding! Kidding," he said, holding his hands up. "It's fine. I only do harmful human testing on myself."

"I really should be more weirded out by that," she said, dropping her arm.

Bruce wandered in with a tablet, tapping a pen at its side. "Clint said you were down here," he said, not looking up. "Can you take a look at--Darcy?"

"Already looking at her," Tony said.

"Don't you have work right now? Tony, is she skipping work to be a test subject? I can't--I can't really get behind that."

"Work... what is this 'work'?" Tony asked, looking out at nothing and cocking his head.

Darcy rolled her eyes. "It's a secret. Don't miss dinner tonight."

"Dinner. Right. Anything I should be worried about?"

"Only if I cook," Darcy said.

"Ordering in it is," said Tony.

* * *

When Peter met her up on the roof, she was playing with her new bracelet. Not firing at anything, because that would be really dangerous, especially if she did something stupid and knocked herself off or zapped something important. Just... looking at it. It was pretty, and it was new. And it was all hers (even if it was technically Stark property. It was a gift, dammit.)

"Hey," he said, climbing up the side of the building and shoving his hands in his hoodie pockets.

"Hey," she said, putting her hands in her own coat pockets. They stood there awkwardly. "Sorry I didn't text back last night," she finally said. "I was kind of busy."

"I probably should have texted back earlier," he said. "I was kind of busy, too."

“Well, yeah, you know. There’s the whole superhero thing, plus college classes...”

“I was at my aunt's, actually,” he said.

“Oh. Did you tell her hi for me? Did she ask about your smashed up face?”

“Yep and kind of,” he said, wincing. “It was mostly gone by then, but she still noticed. I told her I crashed my bike.”

“The one that you don’t have.”

“Pretty much.” He looked down and cleared his throat. “So I’ve been thinking...”

Darcy groaned. “Oh God. You’re either about to propose to me or break up with me, aren’t you?”

“No! I mean, yeah. It’s--look, I’ve been thinking about this a lot, and it’s not safe for you to--”

She glared over at him, wishing that the wind up here whipping her hair around didn’t mostly hide it. She pulled it back into a ponytail angrily. “If you give me that ‘I’m doing this for your own good’ bullshit, I will knock you into the next zip code, Parker. I’ve given this shit a lot of thought too. Mostly just in the past couple of days, but... look, I may not have superpowers, and God knows hanging around with you people--”

“You people?”

She marched over and smacked him lightly on the arm. “Stupid jokes can wait until I’m done, got it?”

“Yes ma’am,” he said, hiding a smile.

“Seriously, this is important. If you ever want to break up with me because you don’t like me, or you meet someone else, or it’s just not working out, I’m fine with that. It happens. But if you ever-- _ever_ \--think that you know what’s better for me than I do? I’ll...” She twisted her mouth, trying to think of something dire enough.

“Waiting.”

“I’m working on it. But you won’t like it. The point is, I’m fine with hanging around people who try and get themselves killed on a regular basis. I’ve made my peace. And if I get caught up in it?” She held up her bracelet. “I can do my part to take care of myself, and at least I know what I'm getting myself into. I don’t need to be taken care of. You don’t need to do that. _They_ don’t need to do that,” she said, jerking her head toward the door back inside the tower.

Peter was silent, looking at the ground. “That’s... something. Gwen never knew who I really was, you know that? I wonder if...”

“Yeah, that way lies madness and lots of therapy.” She took Peter’s hand, squeezed it, and pulled him into a Thor-rivaling hug. “You’ve got to do the hero thing. I get that. You feel responsible for people. I get that, too. It’s one of the things I like about you.”

“The horrible insecurity and using humor as a shield?” he asked into her hair.

“Yeah. That, and the abs.” She pulled back and tapped said abs with the back of her hand. “You’re a good guy, you know? Now stop trying to be a noble idiot and let’s go get pizza.” She grabbed his hand and tugged him toward the door.

“Pizza is an anytime food,” he said agreeably, letting himself be led.

* * *

Dinner was, in fact, pizza and not one of the ridiculously expensive places Tony sometimes liked to order from just to watch someone or other freak out. And everyone was there, as promised. Thor was currently in from Asgard, so Jane was in tow. Tony had even managed to talk Pepper into taking the night off and joining them. Everyone sprawled around the floor, talking or watching TV or doing whatever. It was nice. Like a big family dinner, Darcy thought, except her family never had knife throwing contests (Natasha, Clint, and Steve) or made quite so much fun of the bad science in _Armageddon_ (Tony, Bruce, and Jane.)

Pepper leaned over the table and asked, "Tony mentioned you having some big speech? I didn't reschedule two conference calls for nothing, did I?"

"A speech? Oh God. No. I'm terrible at speeches. I just didn't want to tell everyone multiple times."

Peter leaned back on his chair at an angle that would have been horribly dangerous if he hadn't webbed it securely in place. "I'm pretty sure that's actually called a speech."

"Your face," she grumbled. Peter grinned.

"I find myself curious about this important news myself," Thor said, losing interest in watching the knife throwing. "Are you with child? Can we expect a tiny Spider-babe in our future?"

Peter choked on his pizza, and Darcy snorted up her drink. Pepper patted her gently on the shoulder. "Yeah, no," Darcy said. "That's not even remotely an issue."

"Yeah, what gives?" Tony called over from the couch. "If you're going to make us all be in the same place at the same time, eating pizza off of my dollar-"

"You've never complained about that before," Clint said.

"I'm trying to use leverage," Tony said. "You're ruining it."

"You're terrible at it," Natasha said. "I give it one out of ten."

"What's going on?" Bruce asked, trying to be the sensible one over everyone else. That was what she liked about him. Always level-headed, except for when he flipped out.

"Okay, so--" Her phone beeped, and she groaned. "You're kidding me. Hold on."

She checked and saw a text message, but as she read it a big Cheshire Cat grin worked its way out over her face. _Need to meet with everyone ASAP. EVERYONE. You too. -NF_

"What? Did Jess lock herself out again?" asked Peter.

"You guys need to be at NYC SHIELD pronto. Move. Go. Now."

"And you're telling us this because...?" Clint asked.

"I'm kind of your new SHIELD liaison," she said, smiling sweetly and putting her phone away. She grabbed a slice of pizza for the road. "So I'd be nice to me if I were you, because I know where the bodies are buried and where the snacks are hidden. And if I get there before you guys do, Fury is going to be _pissed._ Hustle. Assemble. Scoot."

* * *

"Haven't seen you in a couple of days," Jessica said when Darcy let herself in. "I was starting to get worried."

"I emailed you twice," Darcy said.

"Yeah, and that's the only reason I didn't call the cops. Your mom called while you were out, by the way."

Darcy groaned. Finding a good cover story to tell her family: yet another thing to worry about. "Wonderful."

"Mmm."

"Peter and I almost broke up."

"Can't say I didn't see that coming," Jessica said. "Guy was always kind of flaky in high school."

"Weren't you in a coma for a good chunk of high school?"

Jessica shrugged. "I'm still not wrong. So, who almost broke up with who?”

"He got insecure, I knocked some sense into him. For now, at least." Darcy leaned against the door. "So. You and Luke?"

"We're not together," Jessica said. "Just... you know. Friends with benefits. A lot of benefits. Often."

"Right. I'm moving out."

"What? Because of me and Luke and all the sex we're having?"

"No, idiot," Darcy said, rolling her eyes. "It's the Avengers. I took a job promotion, and this apartment's too far away in case of emergencies."

"You're joining the Avengers?!"

"Jesus Christ, Jess. I'm just working with them. And... moving in with them. Apparently. I can help you find a new roommate--"

"You're moving in with the Avengers."

"Don't hate me, okay? It's business. I need to be on-call seriously 24/7 from now on."

"Hate you? That's pretty fucking awesome. Look at you, moving up in the world."

Darcy stared in disbelief. "Have you been abducted by aliens or something recently? I'm just asking."

"Shut up," Jessica said, tossing popcorn at her from where she lay out on the sofa. "I may not want to have any part of it, but it's your scene. I get that. So I'm happy for you. I'm not a complete bitch, you know. Just... mostly."

"I'm actually really glad to hear that. Not your bitch quotient. You not hating this." Darcy waved her hand vaguely in the direction of the door.

"Their tower's the other way," Jessica said.

"Whatever, you know what I mean. It actually means a lot to me. Very validating, you know?"

"I hate to break it to you, but you're in a really bad place if my opinion validates your life choices. I'm like the poster child for terrible life choices."

"You really underestimate yourself," Darcy said, leaning over the sofa. "You're not a bad person. You're pretty awesome when you let yourself be, actually."

"I'm thinking of going into private investigation."

"Seriously? I thought you were planning to go into law or something."

Jessica groaned. "I’m really hating a lot of the upper-level classes. But I've been talking to a guy in the business, and once I'm old enough to apply for my license, he said he'll help me out. And hanging out with Luke and D--his buddy, I'm making contacts. I plan to have a big network."

"Very film noir. You'll be awesome."

"And I can add whatever it is you're doing now to that list?"

Darcy nodded. "Babysitter to superheroes. Yeah."

"Need any help moving?"

"With your super-strength? It'd be stupid of me to say no."

"Okay. You get packed, call me when you need boxes. I'm going to stay right here, eat popcorn, and watch bad movies."

"You're a lifesaver, Jess."

Jessica flipped Darcy off, which she ignored as she went into her tiny bedroom and closed the door.

She looked around. There wasn't much to pack. Her band posters, a homemade collage made of pictures of her and her friends, and a print that she really liked. Clothes thrown everywhere. A makeshift shelf of boards and cinder blocks with second-hand paperbacks and some college textbooks she'd loved too much to sell back. Her laptop.

It was all going to look pitifully small and insignificant in the new apartment she was getting all to herself.

Darcy laughed and flopped down on her bed. Redecorating on the salary of a SHIELD liaison was going to be _awesome_.


End file.
